Ok, so here is the thing. My gf (got together around 6 Months ago) is very sexually sensitive. So when we got together she was a virgin. Of course at some point we had a romantic evening and started making each other horny (I had many sexual partners before her so I waited for her to be ready). We tried having sex very carefully but it still hurt her, so we did other things to orgasm. We tried desensitizing her by using fingers and even had vaginal sex once. But she is so sensitive that it is really hard for her to enjoy it and not find it painful. Then she suggested anal. We found out, that she can orgasm from just her ass. So I was on board and now we do the anal only lifestyle for three months. However, I found it weird… so I looked for other people with a similar situation. During my looking around I found the AOL scene. It was not hard to find as I already had an Anal fetish, but for me something is missing without vaginal sex (not to mention, that I really want children one day). So I ask, what do you think about my situation and how did you get into anal only?

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Anal sex has always been extremely stigmatized and filled with misconceptions like it’s “dirty,” “gross,” or a sexual experience reserved exclusively for those of a certain sexual orientation. However, these thoughts couldn’t be further from the truth.

Certified sex therapist Aliyah Moore, PhD, says people likely think this way because “women, as natural vulva owners, have always been known to have sexual intercourse in the most conventional way, and that is through their vaginas.” But she also adds that it has to do with the fact that “we live in a culture that continues to associate anal with homosexuality, and where homophobia very much persists.” Thinking this way, however, not only perpetuates a harmful and sex-shame-y narrative, but it could also prevent you from exploring a sexual act that can elicit lots of pleasure.

Some medical professionals aren’t exactly helping combat the stigma, though. The British Medical Journal (BMJ) just published an article meant to call out the stigmatization of anal sex among clinicians and educate people about the health risks associated with anal sex, including “increased rates of fecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury.” The problem is in the reporting, the writers of the study use harmful language themselves that appears to shame those who engage in anal sex.

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I see a lot of posts on here about how people have partners to help them change their view on what their primary sex organ is. I’m single, so I don’t have anyone to help me in that area.

I used to do anal years ago and loved it, but due to some health issues I developed a hemorrhoid and stayed away from ass play for probably 8 years now. I’ve always wanted to go back to it, but I was worried about the pain and if the hemorrhoid would come back. Now I feel ready to start again. I’d like to buy some trainer plugs to start off with, any recommendations? I’d also prefer to be anal only by myself first and find a partner who never wants to fuck my pussy. I’d love to do clit denial too because I’ve always wanted to cum from penetrative sex. I already use orajel on my clit when I masturbate to train myself not to take pleasure from my clit. What is the best way to train my mind to see my ass as my primary sex organ and also be able to cum from anal?

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AubreyS: Hey! I went anal only with my husband in 2020 and we both really love it, we enjoy anal play a lot and have a really wonderful balance of him fucking my ass and me using dildos and strapons on him, and it’s really fulfilling. Neither of us miss vaginal sex at all!

But, we’d like to take it to the next level and stop clit stimulation for me too so I’m getting only anal stimulation and feel like we’re truly anal only. My husband wants this and finds it really arousing, but I honestly really want it too, the idea makes me super hot and I feel like my clit has held me back to some extent from true anal only.

I’ve been really addicted to my clit all my life, though, and giving it up is harder than expected. Do you have any advice?

Hey, that’s awesome that you have such a great anal only relationship together! I’m glad you’re committed to anal only and are ready to stop clit stimulation as well! There are a lot of benefits, including more intense pure anal orgasms and a total boost in desire when you eliminate the distraction and loss of arousal that clit stimulation brings.

I’d encourage trying a few different things:

• When you feel the urge to touch your clit, rub and finger your anus instead, clench down on a butt plug if you have one inside, or if riding a dildo or your husband’s penis, focus on the feeling inside your ass and thrust down deeper onto it. Really work on redirecting that clitoral arousal into an anal focus instead.
• Get and apply a topical anesthetic whenever masturbating or having sex so that even if you do touch your clit, you can’t stimulate it due to temporary lack of sensation. You can get mild anesthetics at most pharmacies over the counter, including Orajel and others intended for dental pain.
• Try taking it gradually. Giving up clit stimulation is more difficult for many women than giving up vaginal penetration, so this challenge is fairly common. See if you can get through a day without using your clit, then add another day. After a few days, try for a week. If you get through the week, see about going two weeks, or a whole month. Before you know it, you’ll have gone so long without it you won’t be as desperate for it, and you’ll have built up such a streak that you won’t want to go back. And if you do slip up, don’t feel too bad about it. It’s a part of the process oftentimes. Just jump right back in and keep going.
• If all else fails, you could consider a clit shield or chastity belt.

Good luck, and I’m sure before long you’ll be totally clit free and living the pure anal only life you want!

Many of us love anal sex. Often drawn to butt play for its taboo-turned-thrilling nature, it’s the benefits of anal sex that keep us coming back—especially the incredible pleasure the act can bring. 

“The sensations of anal sex are mindblowing,” says Dr. Sakshi Tickoo, a Mumbai-based registered sexuality counselor. “For penis owners, it is like recreating a blow job, but with an element of uncertainty, as the internal anal muscles contract and relax on their own—which is quite the plot twist.

“For vulva owners, it creates a sense of thickness and fullness, which in turn stimulates the other clitoral structures and creates a dual stimulation by just stimulating one organ,” the doc adds. 

So, we know butt play is fun— but are there also actual physical and emotional benefits to having anal sex? Whether you’ve tried it before or are exploring the idea for the very first time, there are many reasons to make anal sex your private playtime choice.

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In an age where abortion is rapidly being banned in parts of the United States and even birth control is coming under threat, it simply no longer makes sense to consider the vagina as a source of primary non-procreative sexual activity and pleasure. Now, more than ever, going anal only is the logical move.

Anal sex provides greater pleasure and intimacy than vaginal, with a much higher rate of orgasm for women than vaginal penetration can provide (less than 1/3 of women orgasm from vaginal sex). It’s also more desirable and attractive to a growing number of people, with anal rising the ranks through the generations and it’s now one of the top three most popular porn categories among Gen Z.

Most relevant to this topic, however, is the fact that anal is natural birth control and you can’t get pregnant from it. With hormonal birth control at risk of being next on the chopping block, not to mention all the negative side effects that can come from their use regardless, having vaginal sex is just too risky at this point if you aren’t actively trying to get pregnant. Going anal only provides increased sexual enjoyment and satisfaction with less pregnancy risk.

So, we should all recognize the vagina as being just the birth canal and not a primary sexual organ for the non-procreative sex that is the norm for almost everyone these days. Let’s move past vaginal sex for pure anal only!

Anonymous: Hi! I’ve been following this blog for a long time (I hope you’re still active!), and I’ve been anal only with my current and previous boyfriend for a few years now. I love it and so does my boyfriend, and I really like the idea of encouraging my friends to do it too! I’m not sure how to really bring it up, though, do you have any suggestions?

I’m glad being anal only has been such a positive experience for you that you want to share it with others! If your friends are more sexually open minded and you talk about sex on some level with them already, wait for one of those moments talking about your sex lives or what you like and bring up that you and your boyfriend are anal only and that you really love anal and prefer it to vaginal, and if they show any interest or curiosity encourage them to try it out as well. That’s probably the easiest approach!

Although anal sex has been been a part of human sexuality since ancient times, couples exploring Tantric sex are not likely to find much information about anal sex and might conclude, therefore, that anal sex isn’t Tantric. However, that isn’t true. In fact, anal sex fits well within the Tantric tradition and facilitates several goals of Tantric sex.

For example, one of the key aspects of Tantra has been violating personal and cultural taboos. Though about one-third of heterosexual couples have tried anal sex, it is still a bit taboo. Tantric anal sex extends a couple’s sexual boundaries.

Tantric anal sex also fits in with the concept of complete union between partners. By having anal sex, a woman surrenders herself totally to her partner, allowing him access to all parts of her body.

Tantric anal sex can also facilitate kundalini arousal. Between the rectal wall and the tip of the tailbone, or coccyx, exists an irregular, oval-shaped gland called the “coccygeal body,” which Tantra considers the “Kundalini gland.” Anal sex can activate the gland by dilating the anal sphincters, causing a reflex effect upon the two branches of the autonomic nervous system, the parasympathetic (Ida) and the sympathetic (Pingala), which terminate in the anus and rectum. In addition to altering the state of the involuntary nervous system, anal intercourse results in the ejaculation of semen into the rectum, which, according to traditional belief, nourishes the Kundalini gland much the same way as the white of an egg nourishes the fertilized yolk.

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Anonymous: Hi! I am curious about combining the anal only lifestyle with being a bisexual woman. If a woman never touches her pussy nor lets it be touched when she is having sex with men, would the same apply to women? Otherwise, what sort of sexual activity would be recommended among women who want to keep the anal only lifestyle?

Ultimately it’s up to you, of course. Some anal only women allow non-penetrative vaginal/clitoral play but exclude vaginal for intercourse. Some are more strict. If you don’t touch your pussy and don’t want it to be touched, however, then I would say the same should go with female partners. Just do rimming, anal fingering, plugging and anal dildo play together and keep things purely anal only!

First, I want to say that I and this blog fully support women’s reproductive rights and I stand in firm opposition to efforts to remove the right to abortion and reproductive freedom in general. For anyone who thinks this is the only target, it’s not: access to contraception, LGBTQ rights, and more are the next target and we need to all prepare for a long fight for all our rights and freedom. Attempts to restore “anti-sodomy” laws is likely coming as well, trying to make non-reproductive sex illegal.

With that being said, I expect there will be an influx of people here who are looking for safe alternatives to enjoy sex without the risk of pregnancy, and the anal only lifestyle is still an excellent choice which provides pleasure, intimacy, passion and sexual freedom combined with excellent natural birth control.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask, and be sure to check out our Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle as well.

In a time of crisis and regression, the anal only lifestyle can provide sexual freedom and equality for women, and the act of going anal only can also serve as a form of protest.