Month: August 2019

Message: I Love Anal

Anonymous: I found this blog by accident really, but I started reading it and kind of got hooked. I didn’t know anal only was a thing, but it totally makes sense. I love anal so much, I have pretty much since the first time I tried it. It kind of hurt that first time, but it felt so amazing I just kept going anyway and had my first orgasm from penetration without using my clit as a result, and I’ve never stopped doing anal since then. I hadn’t really thought about it that much before, but I’ve definitely been anal only for almost a year before when I had a boyfriend who loved anal as much as I do and that’s all we did, but it just sort of happened that way, we didn’t talk about it or decide to do it.

But now that I’m seeing that it’s a thing people choose to do, it has me really thinking about doing it again, this time on purpose. The idea is really interesting and exciting to me, actually, so I think I’m going to look for a new boyfriend who prefers anal and propose that we go anal only. I’m really looking forward to only having my ass fucked again!

Thanks for sharing, and glad to be able to help inspire you to go anal only (again)!

Message: Porn’s Influence on Anal

When I was growing up, I watched a lot of porn and really enjoyed watching anal more than anything, so that’s what I wanted to do myself too. When I first started having sex, the boys I dated were willing to do whatever I wanted but what they really wanted most was anal. They had also been introduced to it through porn and thought it was really hot, so they wanted to try it, or if they had already tried it, it was usually what they preferred.

Do you think porn is influencing people towards doing more anal or just exposing and introducing them to the idea and getting them to try it? I think it’s maybe a little of both, and I actually think it’s a good thing because I don’t know if I would have learned just how much I prefer anal if I hadn’t been inspired to try it and had boys who wanted to do it too.

I actually only did anal for the first three years I was having sex and looking back on it, those were some of the best years of my sex life so far. When I went to college I lost my vaginal virginity and had sex every way for a while and it was nice for a while but I didn’t love vaginal like I love anal and I found myself longing to go back to just anal, so last year I decided to go back to anal only after I found your blog and I’ve been much happier with sex since. I don’t know about other people but it really is the best thing for me.

I agree with you that it’s a mix of both things with porn: it’s introducing a lot more people to the idea in general through exposure but it’s also helping to normalize anal and not treat it as some strange thing you might want to try once or twice or on rare occasions but that it’s a normal activity people should be enjoying frequently. Those are positive things.

The only negative side I see is that it can give somewhat unrealistic expectations of getting started with and preparing for anal and generally leaves out the necessary preparation, lubrication and warmup that happens in the real world, and can lead to some people wanting to try it and rushing into it, resulting in a painful experience that discourages them from trying again.

The other issue that arises as it transitions to be more normalized but isn’t universally there for everyone yet is a matter of consent and mutual desire. If one partner very much wants and expects it and the other doesn’t or is unprepared for the idea, they can end up pressured into doing something they aren’t ready for. Such things should always be discussed and explored together before starting to make sure everyone is on board with the idea and interested in trying it together.

Article: I prefer to have anal sex to vaginal sex

A reader writes in to an advice column with a question about preferring anal sex:

I DON’T know what is wrong with me. I prefer to have anal sex to vaginal sex. My husband has started complaining that the quality of sex we have has gone down because of that. How can I make things better? — Worried.

This is a fairly common scenario, despite people often not realizing it or thinking there’s something wrong with them for preferring anal. The advice columnist responds:

While enjoying anal is evidently your preference and choice I would advise you to also consider your husband’s needs. He likes vaginal sex, you like anal sex — mix up the two. One round you can have anal the next vaginal or vice versa but just make sure you wash your sex organs before you engage in another type of penetration. It may be vaginal sex is never going to be your thing again. But if there are underlying reasons for avoiding it, exploring and addressing those is sensible, regardless of whether you want to ever have vaginal sex again.

You and your partner clearly need to work out together what feels nice for you, and you are certainly not unique in experiencing a sexual disconnection but it is important to find common ground before it’s too late. Talking to your man is also important as you have mentioned they are OK with anal because you like it, but he might prefer vaginal penetration. Being certain your partner is genuinely fine with anal sex is important, just to be sure they are not going along with it — like you do with vaginal sex.

Advising her to suffer through vaginal sex for his behalf isn’t the best solution. I would instead suggest that she communicate with her husband and see why he thinks sex isn’t as good with her preferring anal, and figure out how to address those concerns while sticking with anal.

While it is possible that he likes vaginal more, that’s a relatively uncommon position to hold once you’ve experienced good anal, so it’s possible that there are just things interfering with anal being as good as it could be for him. Often when discussing the difference, men will agree that it does feel better but complain that it might take more time to prepare for it, make it more difficult to have spontaneous sex, and require that they go slower. All these things can be done with more proactive preparation and training and an increase in the frequency of anal sex. It truly is a scenario where more is better.

Continue Reading on The Sunday News

If You’re Mostly Anal Only, It’s Time to Let Go of Vaginal

A common thing, possibly even more common than people already actively practicing anal only, is for someone to prefer anal sex to the point that it dominates a majority of their sexual activity. This isn’t at all surprising—when done properly, anal is consistently more pleasurable, enjoyable, exciting and intimate than vaginal sex, and among women who have regularly done both, most say they prefer anal.

But even still, many don’t take the final step to move past vaginal for good and decide to focus purely on anal going forward. Some simply haven’t considered the idea yet. Some feel they still need to have vaginal sex occasionally for some vague, undefined reason, or some sort of rejection of their femininity to not do it. Some think they still want or need it on occasion, or have a partner who does.

The reality is that anal only people and couples are consistently happier and more satisfied with their sex lives and find that excluding vaginal and focusing entirely on the anal pleasure that they prefer amplifies and improves everything and makes it more fun.

If you prefer anal, you owe it to yourself to try going anal only. You don’t have to commit to it fully up front, just try it for a few months at first and see what you think about it after that. Chances are you’ll find that you don’t miss vaginal at all and that you’ve enjoyed being anal only and want to stay that way.

Article: What You Can Do About Pain During Anal Sex

While this article on Refinery29 covers a lot of topics many who already have experience with anal sex will already know, it’s good to see the increasingly mainstream coverage of anal sex and more importantly, the fact that it’s very popular and very pleasurable and that people should know all about it in order to be able to best enjoy it for themselves.

It’s no secret that anal sex is becoming more and more popular — and for good reason. If done right, anal sex can be can great way to stimulate a major pleasure point. For people with penises, that’s the prostate, a gland located a few inches inside the anus. For people with vaginas, that’s the “anterior fornix erogenous zone,” aka the A-spot — a sensitive area of the internal part of the clitoris that is indirectly stimulated during anal sex.

While some simply don’t like the feeling of anal sex, many people love it. But if you try anal sex and it’s painful — instead of simply uncomfortable or not your thing — should you be worried? We talked to Jennifer Driver, sex educator and State Policy Director at the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), to find out.

An assortment of small tips follow, and the article concludes with this excellent point:

“The best way to ensure that anal sex is pleasurable and painless is to focus on communicating effectively with your partner,” Driver says. “Having patience and clearly identifying what might feel good and what might not feel good are vital for ensuring any healthy, enjoyable sexual activity.”

Continue reading on Refinery29

Message: Luring a BDSM Newbie Into AO, Part 2

Anonymous: Thanks for the answer! Just to make it clear I didn’t mean “lure” as in “trick”, it was more like “convincing in a challenging an exciting way” and making her feel “part of something” (she already know about my other subs and is okay with that, it’s a whole new world for her and she’s the one who came to me proposing to give anything a try). My fault for not having English as a mother tongue!

Fair enough. So long as she’s consenting and open to and eager about the process and everything involved, then that’s great.

I think focusing primarily on anal is a great idea, and only doing vaginal on rare occasions if she is particularly desperate for it, and reducing the frequency of vaginal over time. Ultimately it all comes down to how she does with just anal and whether she really needs vaginal or does just fine with clit stimulation + anal, etc. If she doesn’t actually need vaginal penetration and enjoys frequent anal, there may not be much reason to continue with vaginal at all.

Everyone is different, so there isn’t any universal answer that works best for everyone. Find something that works for the two of you and work from there.

Discussion: Anal Sex?

A woman posts on the Circle of Moms forum, asking whether other women enjoy anal sex:

Ever tried it? If so, do you enjoy it?
I am now at the point where it doesn’t hurt and it will feel good, but only while spooning. 
How about you ladies?

She receives a lot of very positive responses from other women who enjoy or prefer it themselves:

I am at the point where it feels good and I enjoy it more than vaginal.

At one time in my life if would have ask about anal I would have said hell no, But now.. I can honestly say it feel good to me now. A few years ago I had sex with a girl friend of mine, while our husbands were gone a deep sea fishing trip. We played around as usual but while she was licking my clit she put a finger in my ass. She was very good at what she did. It didnt hurt exactly just felt diffrent. She didn’t ram her finger in me it was slow and gentle and just enough I could feel the intensity. I had an orgasm while she licked me and fingered my ass. Afterwars I ask her about it. and she said whe would help me do anal if I wanted to. For months after that when I rubbed myself I would put a finger in my ass also. It became apart of my sexual fun. My husband never knew about my thought on anal. Later when her and I were together again she used 2 fingers and eventually after sometime had passed she fucked me with a dildo in my ass. I don’t think I would have liked it if a man tried anal with me at first, so I’m glad I learned to love it the way I did. Now I love getting fucked in my ass. I want say it feels better than my pussy but it feels diffrent and I enjoy it alot..

My husband and I do anal quite a bit when were are intimate I never thought I would do anal or even like as much as I do. I always thought about trying it but never felt confident enough to bring it up in any relationship I had, But when I met my husband he opened mny eyes to a whole new world and he didnt make me feel uncomfortable he made me feel sexy. i did anal for the first time about 4 months after our daughter was born, one night we were in bed fooling around and he asked me if it would be ok if he went in the other way as he put it and I said are you talking about my butt and he said yes so i said ok but go slow I had never done it and he did go slow he went slow and it was amazing I think the neighbors even heard us…lol

First, the partner (your man or a SO wearing a strap on or even using a dildo) musrt proceed SLOWLY. For me, that means taking at least 5 minutes of very gentle very deliberate short in-and-out movement. Second, a state of mind is required, I have to purposely focus on relaxing but more importantly when I feel the first pressure on my anus I immediately start short grunting-like movements as if I’m trying to have a BM when I’m constipated. I know it is gross to some to mix having a BM with sex but lets be frank … bearing down as when trying to pass a stool actually causes the sphincter muscle to relax and that means LOOSENESS. If you don’t bear down, your back door will be tight and that will hurt. The down side for me is I sometimes let out a small fart or two when my husband is about half way inside my anus but he expects it and knows it is natural. He has been doing my ass occasionally for the past 15 years and I now find it extremely enjoyable.

Don’t know that it’s my favorite, but I have to say my most intense orgasms have been from anal. I became a huge fan of it while I was pregnant for some reason. At that moment, it just worked for me and I asked for it a lot!

A few other women express that they don’t enjoy it, or that it isn’t their favorite, but on the whole everyone is positive about it and encouraging each other to do it more and how to enjoy it. It’s very nice to see a group of women all being positive about anal and helping each other out with it. The world could use more of that. Remember, if you have friends who might be interested in anal, open up to them, share how much you prefer it, and start talking about it and encouraging them to try it for themselves. And if they already like anal, encourage them to try anal only for themselves.

Continue reading on Circle of Moms

Don’t Be Afraid to Communicate With Your Partner

A common concern of those who prefer anal and would like to go anal only is how their partner will respond to the idea, and that fear generally leads to not expressing truthfully just how important the idea of going anal only really is to them. Resentment can build, frustration can form, and the relationship can be harmed due to lack of communication and mutual enjoyment.

While there may at times be reasons to gradually ease towards the topic conversationally, be open and honest about your needs and desires. Does vaginal not do much for you and the idea of anal only interest and excite you? Then you should start talking about that fact with your partner and share your needs and then discuss any concerns or issues that arise as a result.

Always try to keep from pointing fingers at each other or suggesting that you’re unsatisfied as a result of your partner, and keep it more positive and focused on what your needs are and the things that you love and enjoy and what you would like more of. If anal is something that you do sometimes but not all the time, emphasize how much you love doing anal with your partner and how sexy and incredible it is when you do so and that you’d like to focus more on that with them.

If they have concerns about the idea of giving up vaginal sex long-term, suggest trying it for a shorter period of time—one to three months—without a full commitment at that point, and then after that trial period is over, reconvene and discuss a longer length of time from there.

While not everyone is going to immediately go for the idea, being open and honest can go a long way and people generally are willing to try things for their partner and do what they need or want sexually if they’re honest about it.

Message: Anal Only Porn Directors?

Anonymous: Hey with all this talk on anal only porn stars, what about directors and other content creators? Are there any that are anal only leaning or at least professing some anal only liking, but just making pussy content for job security?

Giorgio Grandi comes to mind as one of the biggest anal-preferring porn producers who predominantly makes anal only porn. He does include vaginal penetration at times in some scenes, but has one of the biggest portfolios of pure anal only scenes out there, and tends to only add vaginal as a secondary act as part of double or triple penetration during an existing act of anal sex, which is always the primary act in his films.

Mike Adriano also focuses nearly exclusively on anal sex in his scenes and while there is the occasional vaginal penetration it’s quite uncommon and rarely lasts long. He’s a self-professed ass addict and clearly doesn’t have much interest in or preference for pussy.

Jay Sin similarly focuses almost entirely on anal.

Article: You Can’t Get Pregnant From Anal Sex, Except…

This article on Refinery29 goes into detail about how and why anal sex doesn’t result in pregnancy.

Anal sex is a kind of sex, but just like oral sex, it won’t result in pregnancy — no matter what genitals the people involved are working with. While you can transmit STIs during anal sex (and during oral sex, too), pregnancy won’t happen — except in one rare situation. […] Pregnancy doesn’t happen during anal sex because the anus isn’t connected to the vagina or any other reproductive organs. People without vaginas can’t get pregnant — while “m-preg” is a popular fanfiction category, it doesn’t work that way in real life: trans men can get pregnant, but cis men cannot.

It then proceeds to detail the one scenario where pregnancy can result from anal sex:

There is one way in which anal sex could result in pregnancy: if semen enters the vagina after ejaculation. According to Planned Parenthood, “Since your anus isn’t connected to your reproductive organs, anal sex can’t directly cause pregnancy. But it’s still possible for semen to get into the vagina during anal sex — if the guy ejaculates into or near the anus, and the semen leaks from there down onto the vulva. Fingers and hands could make this more likely, too, by moving semen towards the vulva.”

That means that if someone has anal sex and then ejaculates into the anus or somewhere else near the vagina, sperm could theoretically, accidentally, enter the vagina and cause a pregnancy. If someone ejaculates after anal sex, touches the semen, and then fingers their partner, that could theoretically result in a pregnancy, too. But if semen doesn’t enter the vagina, there’s no chance of pregnancy happening.

Fortunately, this is exceedingly rare, but it is possible. So if getting pregnant is not your intent, be sure to clean up afterwards and take care to avoid semen entering the vaginal canal after anal sex.

If getting pregnant is your intent, however, and you want to maintain a completely vaginal penetration-free lifestyle even while doing so, whether just because you want to avoid going back to vaginal intercourse or because you want to maintain vaginal virginity, you can utilize this method to engage in anal sex as normal, ejaculate anally, and then push it back out while spreading the vagina open for it to run down and into. This technique can work and has been used by those in the anal only lifestyle, though it may require repeated attempts to do so.

Continue reading on Refinery29