Month: February 2019

Message: Penis/Clit Denial Increases Anal Pleasure for Everybody

Samy: Hello! Even though I’m a gay bottom, I’ve always loved your blogs. A few months ago, reading on clitoral denial again, I thought: “hey, why wouldn’t I try it myself?” So, I did exactly like you recommend here: I asked my partners not to pay any sort of attention to my penis any more, I stopped touching it altogether, I started playing with my ass more often, and whenever I felt the urge to masturbate my penis, I masturbated my ass instead.

And it works! Little by little, the urge for penis stimulation decreased, and the pleasure I’m getting from my ass went through the roof, both during sex and during solo play! My partners also noticed a HUGE improvement, they say my ass feels much better, more reactive to the fucking it gets, and they find me much more submissive and slutty and eager to please.

Now I regret not having done this way sooner. Even psychologically, I now perceive my ass as my only sexual organ. I really recommend anal sex and penile/clitoral denial to anybody who likes being penetrated, it’s a life changer! Thank you so much for your blogs!

It really is a life- and game-changer. The challenge is getting started and getting past old habits, but if you stick with it, excluding non-anal stimulation, whether it be penile or clitoral, really does make anal that much better, as you’ve discovered.

I’ve heard from a lot of different people over the years who have taken the same step and moved to pure 100% anal stimulation only, whether by simply stopping all non-anal stimulation, or through physical chastity or even more permanent options such as surgical removal of their clitoris, that all arousal shifts to their ass and their sexuality becomes completely centered around anal penetration rather than their genitals.

Just as there’s a huge difference between having anal sex regularly and excluding vaginal penetration to be anal only, there’s a similarly large difference between being anal only with clitoral or penis stimulation and being truly anal only, where anal penetration is the exclusive source of pleasure. It’s hard to understand without having tried it, but it significantly boosts arousal and unlocks new pleasures and anal desires and abilities you didn’t know were possible for yourself before.

If someone doesn’t feel ready to take this step or is happy with a combination of stimulation and doesn’t find that it interferes with their long-term pleasure or commitment to being anal only, that’s certainly fine, and you can absolutely be anal only without giving up penis or clit stimulation, but if you want to dive deeper into the anal only lifestyle and experience it even more fully, this is a great way to do it and I highly recommend it for everyone to at least try for a while.

Minimize Clit Stimulation to Maximize Anal Pleasure

For more information on this topic, see our guide to the Benefits of Avoiding Clitoral Stimulation During Anal Sex.

In our vagina- and clit-centric world, the idea of excluding clitoral stimulation in order to enjoy greater pleasure seems counterintuitive, but it’s in fact the reality for most women that focusing on pure anal stimulation will lead to more intense pleasure and orgasms in the long term—or, if you’re lucky, even in the short term.

The reason for this is that while the clitoris is an easy path to orgasm for most women, it’s a much more short-term and less-rewarding sort of orgasm compared one from pure anal. And clitoral stimulation often overpowers and gets in the way of the more subtle and nuanced anal stimulation needed to orgasm that way, preventing that more intense pleasure from forming.

It’s not just that anal pleasure is better, it’s that clitoral and vaginal pleasure can interfere with that better pleasure. Excluding clitoral and vaginal stimulation entirely boosts arousal, allows the focus to be entirely on anal, and amplifies everything.

If you’re just starting out with anal play or anal sex, you may want to include clitoral stimulation to help with relaxation and developing the association between anal penetration and pleasure through the use of existing pleasure sources, but once you’re able to reliably enjoy anal sex, it’s worthwhile to start exploring anal stimulation entirely on its own without the influence of clitoral stimulation, and see what pure anal pleasure can bring you.

Message: I Want My (Still) Side Girl AO

Thecraver: I’ve been fucking this cute girl for four years, pretty younger than me (she was 18 when we first met, I was 28) and we see each other once in six months or so. She never gave up on me; she has vaginismus and I think I was the only man to deal with it patiently and at the same time challenging her on sex. We developed an anal-focused relation (I hadn’t even heard of the AO lifestyle back then), but as we grew more and more intimate, she began to try it on her vagina. I honestly don’t want her that way. I care for her and sometimes even think of breaking up with my wife to be with her full time, but always AO. What’s the best approach to tell her and engage her on the lifestyle?

Tell her that you really like her and having sex with her, but that vaginal sex isn’t really your thing and that you would rather just keep doing anal sex only with her. Tell her how sexy it was that you were so anal centric together and only did anal for so long, and that you’d like to go back to that.

You never know, she may prefer anal as well and could be doing vaginal just because she thinks it’s expected and what you want. That’s not too uncommon. Especially if she has vaginismus, vaginal is likely going to be less comfortable than anal or more prone to pain.

Your best bet is to start a conversation, without making her feel bad or being accusatory or demanding in any way, and just see where things go from there. Lay out your preference, but also make sure she knows that it’s not because there’s anything wrong with her or her vagina, it’s just that you prefer anal sex and you liked being anal only together and would like to continue that dynamic together.

Message: I Hate My Clit

Anonymous: Hi, I’ve read some other messages like this on your blog so I know I’m not alone, but I still wonder sometimes how normal this is, because it seems to go so against what most people think.

I’m anal only for more than the past year now and I had to struggle a lot at first to stop using my clit until I could really cum easily from anal and got past my urges to rub my clit.

Sometimes still, I feel like touching it but when I do, I always feel bad after, like I’m not being true to my anal only self and goals when I do so, and it’s just less emotionally satisfying after compared to when I just cum from anal, which feels great and I don’t feel bad after, so it’s by far how I prefer to cum.

Do you have any advice? I would prefer to just not get any urge to touch my clit anymore so I don’t get distracted, because even though I know that I don’t want to touch it and will regret it, in the moment sometimes I just do it anyway and then hate the fact that I did so afterwards.

I think it is a relatively normal thought for a perhaps surprisingly high number of women, especially among those who are anal only, but even those who aren’t sometimes.

That said, it doesn’t apply to everyone, and this answer isn’t meant to apply to everyone universally either. Some have very positive relationships with their clits and clit stimulation, and that’s great if it works for them.

In your position, it sounds like you know what you want and need and just need to work on eliminating those remaining urges. In some regards, you have to look at it from the perspective of a bad habit that you want to break and apply similar techniques towards your clit.

Visualize how you would feel after if you gave in whenever you feel the urge to touch it. It sounds like you have enough past experience to draw on for this to be a somewhat effective deterrent.

Use numbing gels like Orajel to temporarily remove sensation from your clit when masturbating or during sex, to eliminate the temptation to rub it. If you are worried about giving in to clitoral stimulation, just put a dab of numbing gel onto it.

Some women have had success with botox injections into the clit to reduce or remove sensation for a more extended period of time. You can talk to your doctor about the possibility of this—in some cases if you find unwanted clit stimulation particularly distracting or reducing your quality of life, you may qualify for having this done.

It’s a lot more difficult to achieve in the western world due to concerns about nonconsensual genital mutilation, but some women have had success with surgical removal. This probably won’t apply or appeal to most people, and one should only pursue it if they know absolutely that it’s what they want and have given it an extended period of thought, but it can be a viable option for someone who knows they want to live a completely clitless life with no opportunity for future temptation.

Rimming as the Key to Anal Pleasure

If you’re looking to introduce your partner to the pleasures of receptive anal sex for the first time, there’s no better way to start than through rimming. It’s a gentle, non-invasive way for someone to discover just how much pleasure their ass can really give them, teaches them to relax their anal muscles for additional play down the road, and leaves them wanting more.

For some, an exploratory lick during other forms of oral sex can be a way to nonverbally test a partner’s openness to trying it, and if they react in a pleasurable manner, continue with more licking around and across their anus. Some people, however, have concerns about hygiene and may be embarrassed by this approach, so it can be best to bathe together first and talk about it to make sure everyone is on board and feels comfortably clean before trying.

As for the act itself, it’s really quite straightforward. As with cunnilingus, different sorts of tongue play can result in different sensations. You can lick across, around, and gently penetrate the anus itself with your tongue. Try it all, see what your partner enjoys best.

If your partner finds that it tickles or feels slightly uncomfortable in some manner, try combining it with supplemental stimulation—clitoral, nipple, etc.—which can increase the pleasure and make it feel more sexual.

Most people end up finding rimming to be particularly pleasurable, in many cases even more so than cunnilingus, so start making it a regular part of your routine with your partner if you both enjoy it. As you do it more and more, they will most likely want to start exploring other forms of anal stimulation as well, including penetration with fingers and toys, before ultimately moving on to full anal sex.

Message: Male Anal Only

Jeremy: Hi I love your blog I have been fallowing for a long time and I’d love to see you add a section for men that enjoy anal only penetration because there are a lot of men who enjoy it and we need a place to call home and your blog is already awesome so why not bring in more people

This blog and community is open to anyone, regardless of gender, and the principles within it can apply to everyone even if many of the conversations and submissions are about or from women.

I’ve added a Male Anal Only category to group posts like this one together for future reference.

Article: Press pause on your outrage over Teen Vogue’s anal sex tutorial

I understand the outrage over Teen Vogue’s tutorial on a specific type of sex.

Not because I’m outraged by the tutorial — I’m not.

But because I am often outraged by the stuff magazines throw at teens — stuff that causes them to daily, hourly, question whether they’re skinny enough, popular enough, flawless enough. (More on that in a minute.)

First, a recap: Teen Vogue recently ran an article headlined, “Anal sex: What you need to know.” The tone is dispassionate, bordering on clinical, but it still manages to be accessible and nonjudgmental. The perfect — and not easy to achieve — delivery for all things sex ed.

Continue reading at Chicago Tribune

Message: No Reason For Vaginal

Jess: I really think there’s no reason at all to ever have vaginal sex. I did it before I knew better, but since I went anal only I have no interest in ever having vaginal again. There are ways to get pregnant without doing vaginal, or you can adopt, and I’d rather do either of those things than get my pussy fucked.

Anal is better for everything, but it’s also just better to never use your vagina in any way. Not using it makes everything else better. Everyone should be anal only.

I like your enthusiasm and wholehearted approach to the anal only lifestyle. Everyone has their own interpretation to it, and yours is certainly a very literal one, which is great if it’s what works for you!

Most people, even if anal only, are probably going to still utilize vaginal sex for reproductive purposes, which I think is fine if that’s what they need or want to do, but you’re right that there are certainly alternatives, and there are people who have gotten pregnant without having vaginal sex, so it can be a viable option for people who want to try pure anal only pregnancy.

You touch on something interesting and quite true regarding anal only not necessarily just being about anal being better, but also about the exclusion of vaginal being an improvement for everything else. That’s very true, for sure, and a nuance that not everyone picks up on.

The Anal Only Lifestyle is the Future

Let’s be honest up front: while anal sex and the anal only lifestyle have been growing in popularity over the past decade, they still have a long way to go before we reach levels of widespread adoption. This is a long-term look at the future of human sexuality and an appeal for the anal only lifestyle to become the default for everyone.

That might be hard to process for many people who have not yet experienced the benefits of going anal only, but hopefully by the end of this article you’ll have a better understanding of why anal sex is not only better than vaginal, there are a lot of reasons why you should completely replace vaginal with anal for non-reproductive sexual activity.

Overpopulation is a Growing Concern

With climate change and other effects of overpopulation stressing our ecosystem in increasingly noticeable ways, drastic measures need to be taken to reverse the trend of exploding and unsustainable population growth. Global population numbers need to start going down before leveling back out again and remaining stable.

Widespread adoption of the anal only lifestyle has the natural side-effect of providing universal natural birth control to everyone, resulting in a near-complete elimination of unplanned pregnancies.

Sex for Pleasure, not Reproduction

Vaginas and vaginal sex still have their place in the anal only lifestyle, but specifically for planned reproduction, when a couple is ready to have a child, and know they want one. Separating reproductive vaginal sex from the intimacy, pleasure and recreation of anal sex, and ensuring that it remains only for that purpose, makes a lot of sense, since anal is better suited for pleasure and intimacy anyway, and is totally natural birth control.

Modern Values About Sex Are Changing Rapidly

We’re moving past the idea of primarily existing for biological purposes of reproduction. Women aren’t just for getting pregnant and making babies, spamming our world with copies of ourselves—we’re all equal partners now in life and pleasure, and our sex should evolve along with that. Women who have anal sex and who are anal only have far more satisfying sex lives, orgasm more frequently and more intensely, and enjoy closer, more trusting and more intimate relationships with their partners. By going anal only, you’re making sex about you and your partner and your shared pleasure and intimacy, rather than simply existing to reproduce.

Article: Why Women Should Have Anal Sex

Anal sex gets a bad rap. It’s not hard to understand why. It’s been considered taboo for centuries and often considered to foster homosexual tendencies. But I am a warm blooded woman that happens to love anal sex.

I get why (even I back then) women are cringing at the thought of a man’s you know what coming even close to their back doors. It’s a sexual act only shown on the adult websites and never in coming of age or romantic movies. It’s been made to sound painful and dangerous by scores of women that had a terrible experience with it. Awful, because I feel sorry for their experience, yet that’s understandable. But even more appalling are the ridiculous articles by women who do love anal sex as a degradation to the female race.

Continue reading on Thought Catalog