Message: Vaginal Uncomfortable After Giving Birth, Now We’re Anal Only, Part 3

Anonymous: Hi, I’m the woman you tagged 20171013, I didn’t think you’d reply to me eventually. Anal sex does give me pleasure, but to me it isn’t really sexual, it’s difficult to explain. It also never gave me an orgasm. I’m not used to touch my clitoris while having sex with my husband, he usually took care of it when we did vaginal sex, but now he doesn’t care about it any more. It’s frustrating, but sex is more frequent and passionate now, I don’t want to break that, and I’m healthier without the pill.

Hello again! I’m sorry for the slow response to your previous message, I was traveling for some time and didn’t get caught up on my Tumblr inbox for a while.

It sounds to me like going anal only is still an overall positive for the two of you, but could still be improved further for you. If you’d like to remain anal only (as it sounds you do), I can offer some suggestions.

First, to try and make it seem more sexual, you’ll have to change your own thinking about it. I suggest doing this on your own, to begin with at least. When you masturbate, start to incorporate anal stimulation into that each time. (If you don’t masturbate, start to do so at least several times a week.) Use a vibrator or rub your clit to orgasm, but finger or rub your anus at the same time. By doing this repeatedly and often, you will start to build up that mental association with other sexual pleasures for yourself and hopefully start to think of anal stimulation as something sexual as well because you’re masturbating that way. Over time I would suggest getting some dildos and butt plugs to use for that purpose as well. Doing this may also help you to start learning to orgasm from just anal, with further practice.

Then, during sex with your husband, try to change your mindset about it as well. Start just by explicitly thinking of it as something sexual, even if it’s hard to naturally think that way at first. It is sexual, so you just need to change your thinking about it to start seeing it that way and enjoying it yourself. Like you say, you enjoy it physically and you enjoy that you’re having more frequent and passionate sex, you just can’t get past the idea that it isn’t sexual somehow.

Something which some women struggle with is the idea of not being a proper sexual woman if their pussy isn’t being used for sex. Could this be a factor for you as well? As if somehow only having anal sex makes you less of a woman or not as feminine? It certainly isn’t true, of course. Whether a woman uses just her vagina for sex, just her anus, or a mix of both, she’s just as much a woman.

I hope you’re able to get to where you can embrace and fully enjoy anal sex and appreciate it as the very sexual, intimate and loving act that it can be and is. If you have any further questions or would like any other advice, please feel free to ask.

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