Message: Vaginal Uncomfortable After Giving Birth, Now We’re Anal Only, Part 2

Hi. No, you don’t understand, my husband and I have never done anal sex before, and vaginal sex being uncomfortable was just some temporary thing after giving birth. We would have never thought about anal sex without my gynaecologist mentioning it and detailing it to great length, explaining it was the best form of birth control (my body doesn’t handle the pill very well), how to have an appropriate diet, how to clean up, etc. But it was supposed to last two or three months, not be forever.

My husband was sceptical at first, and I had to insist we followed the doctor’s advice, but now it’s all he ever does. He doesn’t even touch my pussy or clitoris any more. When I suggested we tried vaginal again after the first months, he replied: “let’s not take any chance” and that was that. On one hand, our sex life was dying (less than once a week), vs. at least five times a week now (even several times a day), but even if I don’t mind anal, I’m not that much into it. But I like the change.

As I noted in my original response to you, it’s obvious that he likes the new anal only arrangement much more than before when you were having vaginal sex. This is not uncommon, as anal is generally far more pleasurable, appealing and intimate for men (and lots of women, too!). He enjoys anal more, fantasizes about it more, and clearly likes and wants the two of you to remain anal only going forward. This has led to a far greater increase of sexual activity for the two of you, which you note you appreciate and enjoy.

You say you don’t mind anal but aren’t into it much—what does that mean, exactly? Does it give you pleasure? Does it make you orgasm? Or is it just something that isn’t painful or uncomfortable but doesn’t do much for you otherwise?

Perhaps consider some sort of compromise where he has no obligation to touch or use your pussy or clit, but you can still rub your clit or use a vibrator to orgasm during sex, if anal alone does not provide orgasms for you. Some couples manage to stay anal only for intercourse between each other but include double penetration with a dildo for additional stimulation for her if necessary.

I suggest talking with him and trying to understand his perspective, while sharing your own, if it’s something that you want to change. Myself, being an advocate for anal only, am going to still be biased in favor of you staying anal only and instead of trying to return to vaginal, working to enjoy and appreciate anal more.

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