Message: Anal Only Is Just A Fantasy, Right?, Part 2

I’m confused and I have some more questions, so I’m contacting you again, as you offered. I followed your advice, I accepted that my boyfriend was into anal sex only, and I stopped bugging him about vaginal sex. I do enjoy sex with him more and more, I now can take his whole length without too much preparation, and he doesn’t have to move as slowly and cautiously as he used to.

He also gifted me an easy to use, small anal douche that I can carry around in my bag everywhere and hide into my bedroom (I live at my mother’s place). I use it as he advised me to, and thanks to that I’m much more comfortable with the idea of anal sex because I always feel clean now, even if having rather frequent enemas felt very weird at first.

I admit I’m feeling less and less the urge to have “normal” sex and I’m not even sure what I’d call “normal” sex any more, but that’s physically. Psychologically, the fact I’ve never been penetrated vaginally is starting to weigh on me more and more, especially now that our relationship is getting really serious. So after two weeks of avoiding the subject altogether, we finally had an argument about it: I told him I needed to know what vaginal was like and reproached him for never even taking care of my clitoris, and not only that, but when I touch it myself during sex, he always gently takes my hands off it, telling me I’ll enjoy sex more if I instead learn to focus on him and what he’s doing to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he’s a very good lover, his advice was always good and I always followed it (he’s much more experienced) and it’s true not touching myself brings me more pleasure, and he does worship and bring joy to every inch of my body… except for my “cunt” and “nub”, as he says on the rare occasions he talks about them.

Then, he basically replied that he couldn’t change his sexuality, that he thought my real problem was I wanted desperately to conform to what I perceived as the majority since I admitted I wasn’t physically frustrated, and that he respected that I wanted vaginal and clitoral experience, but I’d have to take a lover for that. I pressed him on this, and he did say he was OK with me taking a lover so I can have more experience and decide if I’m OK with what he has to offer or not.

So now I don’t know what to do. I love him but I want more experience, but I don’t want to cheat on him, and everybody in town and college knows we’re dating each other, so if I’m looking for a lover, I’ll get the reputation of a slut. But I don’t want to break up with him. I even wondered if I should talk to his ex girlfriends for advice, since he probably fucked them in the ass too, but it’s silly. Help.

It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend has any desire to have vaginal sex, ever. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you want to try it, you’ll have to decide what’s more important to you—your relationship with him and staying anal only, or doing vaginal with someone else. I can’t really offer a suggestion as for him offering that you can try vaginal with a different partner, that’s something you’ll need to work out with yourself and him and decide whether you want to go outside of your relationship to try vaginal sex.

I will say, however, that you don’t need to try everything all at once. You’re enjoying anal sex with him, having more pleasure with less vaginal/clitoral stimulation. You may also try changing your mindset a little bit with regards to your vaginal virginity. Am I correct in interpreting that part of the challenge for you is thinking of yourself as still a virgin in some sort of stigmatized manner because you haven’t had vaginal sex, and wanting to be rid of that? In contrast to that sort of “traditional” thinking, a lot of anal only people have flipped that concept around and instead value vaginal virginity and vaginal abandonment as a very positive and appealing and attractive thing, not out of old ways of thinking that favor a woman’s “purity” before marriage or anything like that, but just because it’s hot to reverse vaginal and anal so completely that a woman chooses to be so fully anal only that she hasn’t ever bothered with vaginal. If you can see and understand that somewhat and try thinking about it from that perspective, it may help you avoid your frustrations about it.

Also recognize that not having vaginal sex now doesn’t mean you can’t ever try it in the future. If you commit all in to anal only now, you can still change your mind at any point if you find that it isn’t actually satisfying to you or that you do in fact want to try vaginal sex. As I said before, ultimately it’s up to you, and while you can’t dictate what your partner wants to do (just as he can’t dictate your desires to you), you always have the ability to change what you want to do at any point in life.

To reiterate, from my biased-in-favor-of-the-anal-only-lifestyle perspective, it sounds like you’re enjoying being anal only with him, you just don’t want to commit permanently to it right now. Instead of worrying about that, just enjoy things as they are and see where they take you. Stay anal only, learn everything you can about pure anal pleasure and avoid developing a dependency on your clit, and if down the road you feel a strong need to try vaginal, then reconsider. Give anal only a chance for a few months or more at least, would be my suggestion. If the need to do vaginal persists or gets stronger and you find yourself resenting being anal only, then continuing along that path is probably not appropriate for you at this time. If any vaginal urges and thoughts instead fade away, then stick with being anal only. That’s just my perspective, which as I noted, is very biased in favor of being and staying anal only.

I’d suggest talking with some other anal only women and men as well, and getting other people’s perspectives. Try joining the Anal Only Lifestyle forum as well as our new Anal Only chat on Discord. There are other anal only vaginal virgin women on both sometimes, as well as just a number of anal only people with varying amounts of vaginal experience. Share your experiences and concerns and get feedback from them too.

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