Message: Anal Only Since Pregnancy, Frustrated But Loving It, Part 2

Hi, I’m the wife who wrote the lengthy message. It never occurred to me that I may be submissive, it explains a lot. It’s true that I have traditional views on marriage: when I got pregnant and my husband promoted into a higher paid job, I quit my own job to take care of my son/the house/my husband, and honestly, I’m planning to stay a housewife for a while. I feel at my place. Come to think of it, my husband started to be more assertive in bed and focus more on anal after I quit.

Since now he’s the one bringing the money and handling work, I do think I have to be there for him to relax when he gets home – it was a major reason why I never protested or questioned his shift to anal sex, even when it got to anal only. Honestly, I’ve never seen him happier, and I do sort of feel like it’s my responsibility he stays that way. From what you say, you think I should try to stop fantasizing about my vagina and clitoris? What about my masturbation sessions?

Even though I now strictly masturbate anally with no clit/pussy stimulation, I feel like I’m doing something wrong like I’m cheating on him, but I really like it, especially after an enema. I could never tell him about my clit/pussy frustration though, it’s like I’d question/spoil all the sex we’ve had these past months, but I’d like to confess about masturbating and start a conversation about sex, but without him feeling I disapprove or anything.

I’m thinking about acting like I forgot the time while masturbating and he gets home and catch me like this. It should please him, I could confess (never about masturbating my vag/clit though, I feel ashamed of it now), and it could start a conversation? What do you think? Thank you for helping me. It feels great when you say this is all normal.

I agree, it does sound as though you have some sexually submissive tendencies, which are very normal and natural for many women, and satisfying those tendencies and urges by being submissive to your partner can help to make you feel satisfied and happy as well. Ultimately, you should only do this if it’s also what you want, though. Some women are anal only because they prefer anal and enjoy how it feels more than vaginal or because they get a thrill out of denying themselves vaginal sex and focusing exclusively on anal pleasure. Other women do it because it’s what their partner wants and they get pleasure and satisfaction out of pleasing their partner more than from the specific physical acts of sex. Both situations, or a hybrid of each, are fine, as long as you’re okay and happy with the arrangement too.

If further adopting and embracing the anal only lifestyle is what you want to pursue, then yes, I would encourage you to stop fantasizing about clit and pussy stimulation and work to develop your natural anal urges instead, focusing and fantasizing about it as well during sex and masturbation. I encourage anal only masturbation sessions, myself, and I certainly don’t see them as any sort of cheating on your partner, unless you’ve agreed with each other that you will not masturbate. Has your husband shown any indication in the past of not wanting you to masturbate? More reasons to communicate with each other: you’ll both know where you stand on such topics. If there is concern about it being some sort of cheating, you can frame your masturbation as so loving his cock in your ass that you sometimes need to use a toy as a surrogate until you can get the real thing from him again.

I definitely do encourage starting to talk about things with him if you want to discuss anything or explore further together. You can start simple: just tell him how much you love that you’ve only been having anal sex and that you want to stay that way. With time you might even be able to talk about still having some vaginal and clitoral urges, but being sure to frame the conversation with the reassurance that you enjoy having those urges and denying them and don’t want to go back to using your pussy and clit, but that it’s a turn on to have them denied. I’m putting words into your mouth a bit here, and you should express yourself honestly instead, but am just trying to give a bit of an example of how you can talk about these things with him without framing it negatively or making him feel bad about something you seem to be enjoying a lot.

The anal only community is growing all the time. More and more people are embracing it, or coming out and talking about the fact they’ve been anal only for quite some time already. The reality is that many men and women significantly prefer anal, or enjoy the many benefits of vaginal and clitoral denial and exclusively having anal and oral sex. We aren’t a majority yet by any means, but there are many of us out there, and it continues to be further normalized. If you are happy with and enjoy your anal only arrangement with your husband, there’s no reason to feel bad or doubt yourself over it.

Feel free to continue communicating here if you wish, and you may also want to check out the Anal Only Lifestyle Forums where you can communicate with many other members of the community.

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