Message: Wife Concerned About Doing Anal Too Often

Anonymous: I love the blog. My wife and I have a great sex life. Over years we’ve worked up to anal sex and do it quite a lot. It is more passionate and the orgasms are more intense for both of us. However, my wife is concerned about doing it too often. She thinks it may make her incontinent. Is there real cause for concern? For the record we don’t do anything extreme, we always start slow and use lots of lube.

No, there is absolutely no cause for concern. You can have anal sex every single day for the rest of your life and not have a single issue so long as you follow safe practices and don’t cause (and then exacerbate) injuries. The anus and rectum are really strong, tough parts of the human body. If there’s pain or blood, you should always stop and let it rest or recover before continuing, so as not to make a (almost always very minor) injury something more that will take longer to heal, but just having anal sex with lube and proper warmup should not cause injury. If it doesn’t hurt regularly beyond standard soreness that can come from any sort of sex, you’re fine. Having it more often in fact makes it a lot easier to have without pain or injury.

The anal sphincter is a muscle, and using/exercising muscles makes them stronger, not weaker. Incontinence from anal sex is a complete and utter myth. The natural resting state of the anus is closed, and it relaxes and loosens when “flexed”. Increased use, practice and training of the anal sphincter can expand the range and size it can open up to to accommodate more, but it will still close up nice and tight when it returns to its relaxed state.

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