Anonymous: What’s your stance on female orgasms and orgasm denial? With my girlfriend (who should be my future wife), it took some time and work, but we’ve successfully moved from occasional anal to anal only, then to clitoral denial. Now, we’re thinking about another step by denying her orgasms, meaning she’ll have them when she has them, but we would have (anal) sex without trying to get her there. So far it works pretty well, she’s always hot and our intercourses are shorter but more frequent and rough.

If it works well for the both of you, then it’s certainly worth exploring or adopting. It can be fun, sometimes short term, sometimes long term, and it can have its advantages for some people—as you’ve noticed, she’ll have increased arousal and be more eager for sex more often, because she won’t have the arousal crash of an orgasm. It isn’t necessarily for everyone, but people who enjoy denial will likely enjoy at least trying it for a while.

If someone needs orgasms, though, and is able to orgasm from anal only, I think that is an excellent arrangement as well—anal orgasms don’t have nearly as many of the negative side effects of clit orgasms for most people. They don’t generally have as much of an effect on lowering arousal, for one.

So, in short, experiment with orgasm denial for a while. See how both of you feel about it after a few months. If you’re still enjoying it, stick with it.

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