Message: How Important is it For Your Partner to be Anal Only?

Anonymous: Just how important is it for your partner to be “anal only”? If you met somebody you really connect with and loved, but they were totally against anal sex, would you still seek somebody who was “anal only” before you got to know them?

Speaking personally, it’s pretty important for me. It goes beyond just preference for me in a way, to the point that it’s almost a type of orientation in a way—I’m anally oriented. This is a large part of why I bring up the fact that I’m anal only very early on in new relationships—not up front, but once there’s enough of an initial connection that we progress to talking about sex. So far since I’ve been anal only, if there hasn’t been a mutual interest in anal early on, relationships haven’t gone very far past that point.

In theory it’s possible that if I met the right person and we hit it off really well and they just seemed amazing but wasn’t interested in anal… well, I don’t know. It’s easy to say right now that I wouldn’t be interested in a relationship if they weren’t open to anal only, but when in the moment with someone I really liked in every other way, it’s possible that I could convince myself giving up anal only wouldn’t be so bad if that’s what it took to be with this person.

However, the fact is that it is important to me, and mutual sexual satisfaction is an important part of most healthy relationships. If anal only is such an important component of a relationship to me, getting into a long term relationship where that has no chance of happening is just a path to disappointment and resentment down the road once the initial infatuation wears off and now I’m in a relationship with someone I have greater emotional ties to but am not sexually compatible with. That’s been my thinking on the subject so far, at least. I haven’t met the person who could change my mind.

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