Message: He Treasures My Vaginal Virginity

Anonymous: Hi, I’m the vaginal virgin from 06/04/2016. It’s true I looked for anal, but it was just to give my future husband the gift of my virginity… and now that I’m about to marry my partner, he doesn’t want to hear about vaginal whatsoever. He’s telling me he does treasure my virginity, because to him it’s very special to fuck my ass while my pussy is still sealed, but I’m afraid I’m losing something, and the prospect of never ever doing vaginal scares me, even though I don’t feel frustrated at all.

It sounds like at least part of the problem is that the two of you had different expectations when you started an anal exclusive relationship—you wanted anal to preserve your vaginal virginity to give as a gift, while he perhaps wanted anal simply because he prefers anal and he finds being anal only (and in your case completely pure anal only, because you’ve never had vaginal sex) appealing and would like to remain that way.

I don’t advocate vaginal sex, and I think anal and anal only is always better, and I encourage remaining anal only if you’ve successfully done so this far and remain a vaginal virgin. That said, that’s only my opinion, and I also don’t advocate anal only relationships unless everyone in the relationship is on board and embraces the idea.

What are your concerns specifically, simply that you want to also experience vaginal sex and don’t want to eliminate the possibility of ever doing so? Most anal only couples will still have vaginal sex in order to have children, they just limit it to reproductive purposes rather than recreational sex—so if you chose to remain anal only but plan to have children at some point, you would undoubtedly be having vaginal sex then. Or perhaps you also feel hurt in some way because you approached this as giving him the gift of your virginity and his desire to remain anal only feels like a rejection of that gift?

You’re going to have to honestly and openly communicate with him about what both of you want. Part of the disconnect may be because from your perspective you were using an alternate form of sex for now so that you could give him the “ultimate” form of sexual intercourse—vaginal—after getting married; but from his perspective, being anal only was already the ultimate form of sex and much preferred to vaginal. That’s only speculation on my part, of course, and you’ll need to discuss it with him to figure out your motivations and desires for sure. Good luck, and I hope you’re able to work it out in a way acceptable to the both of you.

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