Message: Boyfriend Wants to Go Anal Only, But With No Clit Stim

Anonymous: My boyfriend found this site and so we’ve been talking about trying anal only for a while. While I’m not entirely against the idea, I’ve been arguing a lot with him about clitoral stimulation. He said that there shouldn’t be any of it. I disagree, because I don’t think it would affect him at all. Can you provide any good reasons for me to not play with my clit during sex?

First of all, there is no right way to be anal only, aside from completely excluding vaginal penetration. Excluding clit play is an option that some people choose, but it’s not necessarily for everyone.

Why would a man want a woman to exclude clit play during anal sex? Because it’s really, really hot to see a woman enjoying and being completely satisfied by anal penetration alone. Some couples also find it distracting and that it can get in the way of the mutual intimacy of sex, but that’s not universally the case. However, not everyone can, and many need to develop the ability over time.

One approach to developing fully anal orgasms does involve ceasing clitoral play under the theory that it short circuits the ability to orgasm anally because your body has become dependent on clitoral stimulation to trigger the orgasm and so you don’t orgasm from other means.

You could suggest starting out with clitoral play during anal and over time down the road experimenting with reducing how much you need and seeing if it’s possible for you to orgasm entirely from anal. That may involve just gradually tapering off how much clitoral stimulation you need, or it may involve occasionally trying a week or two without it. You may simply discover that you do need clitoral play, in which case he should respect that and be happy he’s got an awesome girlfriend willing to consider going anal only.

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