Month: April 2014

Message: Always Hated Anal, Boyfriend Made Me Love It

Anonymous: I always hated anal. It seemed filthy and made me feel uncomfortable. But my boyfriend brought it up and after some convincing we tried it. He was gentle and went really slow the first couple of times. But now after a year of anal sex once or twice a year I really started to like it a lot. So now we’ve been anal only for two months and I can’t imagine going back! It’s so much more intense, I usually don’t even bother rubbing my vag during sex now!

Glad to hear you’re both loving anal sex and anal exclusivity! Keep it up! The longer you go with zero vaginal/clitoral stimulation as well, you’ll end up with even more intense and pleasurable sensations from anal, so keep that up too!

Message: Being Up Front About Only Liking Anal?

Anonymous: If I’m really interested in a girl romantically, would you advise being upfront that I only like anal? If she’s not into it, I’d expect her to shoot me down right then and there.

Even with the popularity of anal booming, it’s still not to the level where it’s socially acceptable on a wide scale to admit to only being interested in it, so if you do so you can expect a lot of rejection and offense. If you are truly only interested in anal, however, that might be acceptable to you rather than having vaginal sex. A more subtle, gradual approach can work better sometimes, but it depends how much of a necessity anal is for you.

Message: Why Do I Cum More When Doing Anal?

Anonymous: Why when I have anal sex with gf I ejaculate three to four times more heavier and powerful than vg sex? I can feel going like river inside her almost hard to stop, does anyone experiment such thing like this, oh I like vg sex but my favorite really is anal, the sensations are way far different than vg sex, love anal but gf is not much interested in anal sex and don’t know what to do any suggestions of how to convince her to have anal sex more often. Thanks.

Make sure that any time you do have anal sex with her, you make it as enjoyable as possible for her: ask her what feels good, play with her clit if she wants you to, massage her back, etc. If she lets you, massage the outside of her anus during oral and vaginal sex, or finger her anally during those (again, only if she is okay with you doing this).

Ultimately, if she doesn’t like it, you’re probably not going to get to have much anal. But if she’s willing to try to enjoy it better, there are things you can do to make it more enjoyable.

Message: Overdoing Douching/Enemas

Anonymous: In your last post you mentioned not overdoing douching with water. Is there a specific problem with doing this? What is overdoing? Thanks!

The digestive system contains a lot of good bacteria that aids in digestion. Frequent enemas can flush out this bacteria and cause an imbalance. However, simply douching the rectum (rather than a deeper colonic enema) will not cause a problem because most of the bacteria resides further beyond in the colon. Generally there is no reason to do a full colonic enema unless you are into very deep anal play, so simple rectal douching is probably okay. If you have concerns about it, it would be best to talk to a doctor and get their opinion.

Message: Advice for an Anal Virgin

Anonymous: I’m a 30 yr old anal virgin, once with a guy who ruined anal for me. I think that I am missing something exciting. What/how would you recommend that I could get into it with out the pain I associate with it. Thank for any suggestions Anally deprived !

Because you associate pain with anal penetration, you’ll likely (unintentionally) tense up in that area when attempting anything, when you really need to be relaxing the area instead. Fortunately, there are a lot of ways you can relax and help start to enjoy anal stimulation.

I’d definitely do experimentation on your own rather than with someone originally, so there’s no pressure and you can go entirely at your own pace. Start out by taking a hot bath or shower, and then ideally masturbate to one or more orgasms until you feel very relaxed. Then, slowly (with lube) rub a finger around the outside of your anus (without any penetration). You can couple this with vaginal/clitoral stimulation. Consider just doing this external stimulation for a while. The anus has a lot of nerve endings, and even with no penetration can be quite pleasurable when stimulated, especially in combination with other stimulation.

When you’re comfortable doing that and do not associate external stimulation of the anus with pain or discomfort (this could be immediate or could take days or weeks—each person is different) you can move on to very gently inserting a lubed finger (or finger-width toy) inside. Everyone’s anus can safely fit a lubed finger with no problem, even with no prior experience—the difficulty some people have with pain or difficulty penetrating is that they are not relaxed enough to temporarily loosen the area. As you gain experience with anal penetration, you also gain muscle control that can make it possible to relax the anus at will to make penetration nearly effortless.

Some people have an early issue with anal penetration where they feel as though they need to go to the bathroom due to the presence of an object in their rectum. This doesn’t happen to everyone, but for those it does happen to, it’s normal—your body hasn’t yet figured out the difference between anal penetration for pleasure and the presence of waste material. If it does happen to you, just keep trying and frequently combine the anal penetration with vaginal/clitoral stimulation and you’ll be able to enjoy anal penetration without that feeling.

Over time, you can increase the size of penetration from one finger to two or three or more. You should always be very gentle and take things slowly when increasing the size of object penetrating for the first time. There should never be any pain—if something hurts, you’re taking things too quickly and aren’t relaxed enough. Stop what you’re doing immediately and rest a few minutes before trying again more slowly or with more warmup with smaller objects. Pushing out/bearing down, as if you were going to the bathroom, can help to relax your anal muscles during penetration.

If, after experimenting with your fingers, you find you enjoy it and wish to continue with anal experimentation, consider investing in a butt plug. There are a lot of options, and silicone, glass and stainless steel ones are usually the best. There are also a lot of sizes, and it can be tricky to pick out a good size early on because you want one you can fit without having one that will soon become too small to enjoy as your anal abilities grow. Butt plugs are great because you can put them in and they stay in place while you masturbate or have vaginal sex. Some people enjoy the feeling so much that they leave them in for longer periods of time, even when working around the house or going out in public.

Before attempting actual anal sex with another person, you should have worked up to being able to comfortably fit a dildo the size of their penis. When you do first attempt anal sex with another person, you should be on top and in control of the speed and angle of penetration so you can slow down or stop in case anything goes too fast or hurts in any way.

Essentially, the key elements in overcoming anal fear and pain are to learn to relax your anal muscles and to associate anal stimulation with pleasure by always coupling it with something that you already find pleasurable.

Message: Basic Hygiene Measures for Anal

Anonymous: What are the basic hygiene measures you have to take in order to fully enjoy anal sex? I realize that you have probably been asked this questions many times. If that is the case, I apologize, and just a link to a previous answer will suffice. Thanks.

In general, you want to eat a high fiber diet to ease digestion. If you do have a good diet, you mostly just need to make sure to go to the bathroom within half an hour before receiving anal and your rectum should be empty. In general, feces are not retained in the rectum itself except right before you need to go to the bathroom: they stay beyond in the colon itself. There is a bend that acts as a valve separating the end of the rectum from the sigmoid colon and with most people, a penis will not be penetrating beyond that point.

If you are especially concerned, you can try anal douching with water. You generally don’t want to overdo this, but if you use a relatively small amount and just flush out the rectum itself, this can be okay from time to time.

Message: Wear Butt Plugs!

Anonymous: Hiii everybody! I’ve been going anal only for a couple of weeks now and I have one advice for all my friends out there: Start wearing buttplugs! 😉 It makes spontaneous buttfucking sooooo much easier and pleasurable! 🙂 xoxo Linda

Thanks for the advice! It’s great advice, too: wearing a butt plug, even a small one, for extended periods of time, helps train your anal muscles and gives you increased control over them, both to tighten and to relax at will. Over time, you can gain the ability to easily jump right into spontaneous anal sex with little to no warmup and just some lube.

Plus wearing butt plugs is a lot of fun and can be really hot.

Message: How Can I Benefit From Anal Only?

Anonymous: I just read some of your posts. As a woman in her late 20s who has been having lots of variety in her sex life so far, do you really think it would be smart to go 100% anal only (not even clitoral stimulation)? If so, why? I admit that the idea sounds extremely hot, but speaking of longterm sexual behaviour I don’t see how I could benefit from it.

That depends entirely on each person’s body and preferences. Some women can orgasm exclusively from anal penetration, with no corresponding clitoral stimulation, and so for them it can be quite pleasurable (and a turn on to cum from anal alone). Going for a period of time with just anal stimulation can be a way to “activate” the ability for some women as well. If a woman is physically capable of anal orgasm but always provides clitoral stimulation alongside anal penetration, she may not reach the purely anal orgasms.

However, if after an extended period of time there is no sign of anal orgasm after many sessions of anal sex without any clitoral stimulation, it’s perfectly understandable to add it back alongside. That’s fine, and there’s nothing wrong with it if that’s what you enjoy or need to make it enjoyable. On the other hand, some women may find it hot to deny themselves and that’s fine too. It’s all about experimentation and finding what works best for you while trying new things.

So I think it’s definitely worth trying 100% anal only for several month sessions if you’re up to it. You don’t even need to go all in for a long period of time initially, you can try it for a week at a time initially and slowly increase the amount of time.

Message: Anal Better in Every Respect

dr-yuehI’ve been thinking, has anyone else noticed the irony: that the vagina is the one that supposed to be made for intercourse yet the anus is better in every respect? Better size, shape, texture and so on. It’s better for sex than the place that nature made 🙂

Evolution is imperfect. Just because the vagina is, from an evolutionary standpoint, the “correct” hole to use for sex doesn’t make it actually better for the purposes of pleasure. Human sexual activity is almost entirely for the purposes of pleasure, not reproduction, and anal sex is just so much better for that.