Month: November 2013

13 Reasons Why Women Say “No” to Anal Sex

An article at lists 13 of the reasons women (at least outwardly) give for not wanting to have anal sex.

They are easy to either debunk, or address when armed with appropriate knowledge, but is still worth reading so that you are prepared if any should ever come up.

I suspect that many are simply the first thing that comes to mind caused by the anxiety of being confronted by the unknown – a knee-jerk response.

Message: Bored With Vaginal, Can’t Get Girlfriend to Go Anal Only

Anonymous: I’m trying to persuade my girlfriend try anal only. We are about 50/50 but I’m so bored of vaginal but can’t tell her that (obviously). I’ve often told her about the positive benefits it would have for us but she’s still holding back for some reason. What is it that normally makes the difference for most women who choose the anal only lifestyle?

Have you ever tried seeing if she will do it for short periods of time? Anal only for a week, or for a month, etc.? Some people do this and then discover they aren’t missing much by excluding vaginal.

Message: The First of Its Kind

Anonymous: What a discovery this is! This is the first of its kind I ever saw. Tell me: why did you start this? what motivates you?

The goal of this blog and the associated forum is to provide a resource for similarly-inclined people to get together and communicate, and for those who have the same preferences but feel alone to realize that there are others out there who think the same way, as well as to encourage other people to join in and become anal only themselves.

Any other girls who stayed exclusively with anal?

A young woman writes:

I […] have been having sex with my bf for almost a year now. But I have only had anal sex with him, and only with a condom. (It did hurt at first, but now I really enjoy it.) My bf says it’s wierd that we only have anal, and wants to have vag, or at least have anal without a condom (since there’s not much chance of getting pregnant if we do it missionary). I’m not sure I am ready for either, but am kinda interested in not using a condom. (We were both “firsts” for each other, so I am not really worried about STDs.) Are there any other girls out there who have only had anal and stayed with that awhile, or is my bf right???

A really positive indication that changing sexual attitudes are coming from the young, and that we can expect things to improve with the next generation. They just need the right support and education to see that there is nothing “weird” in doing what you enjoy with the one you love.

Help! Anal Sex Is The ONLY Way His Penis Stays Hard!

Apologies for the title – the point is to show how absurd and out of touch even the supposed “experts” are.

The title is borrowed from a submission to from “Frustrated girl”:

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful emotional relationship as well as a wonderful physical relationship. He recently convinced me to try anal sex. I hated it at first but after giving it a few extra shots it was ok. He loves it so much! So most of the time I let him finish there. Lately I’ve noticed that if we skip the anal and just stick to vaginal, he can’t finish and just ends up loosing his erection. Am I not tight enough anymore in comparison?? I am 20 and he is 32… Is there a possibility that he is loosing his drive?

Now, you would suppose that the love and sex advisers would point out that it’s a diverse world and different people are turned on by different sexual acts, and to varying degrees – and as long as it is consensual then nothing is unusual. WRONG!

Instead they end up sowing confusion and propagating the same old myths:

However, if your partner is wanting to have a lot of anal sex, you might be concerned. Even more so, if your partner is losing their erection if they’re not having anal sex, you might wonder what you’re doing wrong or if there’s something wrong with your partner.

No, they just like anal sex.

If your partner is consistently losing his erection, that could be another issue altogether. If this is the case, consider seeing a medical doctor and even a sex therapist to find out what might be the issue.

No, he doesn’t have erectile dysfunction, as he’s capable of anal sex.

Remember that the anal canal was created to be an exit, not an entrance. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it now and again, but you certainly don’t want to make a huge habit out of it.

Not that one again. Where is the evidence “making a habit out of it” causes any harm?

Whilst the article wishes to be seen as balanced, understanding and impartial, the advice given is actually founded on ignorance and fear.

My boyfriend enjoys anal more than vaginal..should I be worried?

A woman has concerns about her boyfriend:

My boyfriend is younger than me. He claims he is a “big fan of butt sex”, and he loves oral. But I’m just concerned because people have been telling me he might be on the DL, Bi, or gay. He only wants to penetrate me in the butt not the other way around.

You hear this so often, that an interest in anal sex is somehow considered an activity that precludes heterosexuality.

This idea is nonsense. The latest statistics indicate around 40%-50% of heterosexual couples have either tried anal sex or have have it on a regular basis.

The fact that the boyfriend is wanting to have sex with his girlfriend is the glaringly obvious clue to his sexuality.

He’s just a normal man who is attracted to his girlfriends butt, like millions of other normal men. His preference for anal sex is a natural part of him, just like being attracted to women.

One reply sums it up thus:

You have to decide what your into.. he was upfront and honest it sounds like. By saying he’s a fan of butt sex. Now you be open and honest as well. Most men like anal. I don’t think being gay or.Straight has anything to do with it. If you don’t like it though, you shouldn’t do it.

Message: Who Hasn’t Secretly Wished to Skip Vaginal Entirely?

Anonymous: You’ve really tapped into a deep, normally undeclared desire with this blog. Who hasn’t honestly considered it or secretly wished to just skip the vaginal sex completely? It’s a feature of human sexuality. Why else do women have an ass as a primary sexual attribute? Why else does anal feel so good? Why wouldn’t anyone not want to do only what they like the most? Instead people have just created reasons why they shouldn’t.

It’s easy to say why you shouldn’t do things. It’s harder to explore yourself and human sexuality in general, reject the norms, and say “actually, maybe I should do what I really want and what’s best for me and go anal only”.

Message: Wrong Reasons for Liking Anal?

Anonymous: Mike, 23. I feel like the reasoning behind my massive desire for anal might make me a little “off”. You see, one of the main reasons that I enjoy anal so much is that I get off on the thought of entering a woman through the same hole that she poops out of. It’s a “so dirty, so wrong” sort of thing. Is this type of thought process normal?

I’m sure the taboo aspects of anal are part of the appeal for some. Others simply prefer how it looks or feels. Neither is more legitimate than the other.

Message: Ass is the New Pussy

Anonymous: The implication of the phrase “ass is the new pussy” is that, in the course of time (and not too much of it, we may hope), the phrase “anal sex” will become unnecessary — the automatic choice for intercourse, tongue-play, and masturbation will be the lovely round hole between the cheeks, and that is what the word “pussy” itself will come to mean, while the slit is relegated to an afterthought. I think we can all look forward to that day.

Among those who adopt an anal only lifestyle, I suspect that just “sex” is enough, because vaginal sex will simply not occur. Will we ever reach a point where more people are having anal sex than vaginal? It’s a nice thought. Let’s hope so!

I don’t think we need to really redefine the word “pussy”, though, beyond metaphorical statements like the above. Leave that for what it already is, and let’s instead shift our thinking and expression abou sex to be explicitly anal-centric in nature.