Month: November 2013

Message: Wife Enjoys Anal But Won’t Admit It

Anonymous: I’m very lucky to enjoy anal with my wife. I would love only anal sex. It feels to me like a very natural thing to do, both physically and mentally. It is frustrating that my wife also clearly likes it as part of our repertoire but won’t ever admit it. I have even put it to her that we should have a trial period without vaginal, but so far without success 🙁 However, I will continue to follow your excellent blog!

Is she refusing to admit that she likes anal at all? Does she say she dislikes it, or just that she doesn’t want it exclusively? If she does enjoy it, I’d just say to spend a lot of effort making sure she gets a lot of pleasure during anal penetration as well as stimulating her anally during vaginal sometimes, both externally and (if she’s okay with it) internally. If she’d be into it, get her a butt plug to wear during other sex acts.

For someone not fully open to the idea of anal exclusivity, you have to start very small, e.g. only several days without vaginal for a while when starting off, then if that’s a success, a bit longer after several short sessions, etc.

Ass is the New Pussy

Anonymous: Sometimes people say that “ass is the new pussy”. Obviously that’s not true about the older generations (maybe not even to though you are born in the 80’s), I’ve got a feeling that the youngest generation are pretty much more into that. How long do you think it will takes before the “alternative” isn’t the alternative anymore? Will it ever happen and why?

angelinga97: I think that’s totally true!! Like when I was younger I remember my older sister talking about how she was going to save anal for marriage (FYI that did not last LOL). That’s exactly what people used to say about the pussy. Girls don’t save their ass for marriage anymore but they still save it for a special guy or wait until they’re a year into a relationship or something right, which I think is maybe how girls used to treat regular sex. I totally think the next generation will be doing anal with one-night stands and stuff.

Message: Anal Only Lifestyle Dating Sites?

mypr0nstash: Question, do you know of any good dating sites for those that prefer the anal only lifestyle?

Sorry, not especially. Fetlife is probably the closest thing I’m aware of, but it’s a general social network rather than just a dating site, and it’s for many different sexual fetishes and lifestyles rather than just anal only.

Message: Boyfriend Doesn’t Like Vaginal After Trying Anal

Anonymous: Since my boyfriend and I tried anal a few months back he’s been asking for it all the time and gets unhappy if I suggest vaginal instead. He used to like it. Why has he changed so quickly? Do you understand what’s going on? Is he wanting this “anal only lifestyle”? Because that seems where we’re headed and I feel uncomfortable about it.

It is likely that anal is what he prefers because it feels better for him. If anal with you was his first time doing it, he may have realized just then that he likes it better. If he’d had it before, he may have not brought it up because of the stigma that still exists around anal and definitely exists around preferring it.

Do you enjoy anal and simply want to also have vaginal as well, or do you dislike it? If you do like it, you should talk things over clearly with him and say you like and enjoy anal but you like vaginal as well and want both.

Either way, communication is mandatory in situations like this. You have to both be clear to each other what you want, and both compromise if there are some conflicting preferences. He may wish to be anal only, but that can only ever work if everyone involved wants it or is at least willing to give it a shot.

Message: Effects of Anal Sex on Hemorrhoids

Anonymous: So I would love to perform anal on my gf, I myself like a prostate stimulator. We have used a small plug and my fingers on her, plenty of lube. All seemed well to me. She said it was painful and then told me he has hemorrhoids and was embarrassed to tell me. After the anal play they flared up and caused her discomfort and bleeding and was not fun. I would like to try again, kinda given up on my penis as girth is large, any suggestions?

Anal sex and hemorrhoids are one of those things where there’s a lot of conflicting information. Some people insist anal sex causes or makes hemorrhoids worse, while others say it’s possible to comfortably have anal with hemorrhoids or even that anal helps cure them.

In the short term, starting out, anal penetration can be physically stressful on the region while the recipient has a difficult time relaxing to allow easy entry, which may make hemorrhoids worse if it’s overdone.

In the long term however, it increases muscle control and makes it easy to relax and open up without strain, which can be a positive factor with hemorrhoids.

Ultimately, consulting a doctor and additional sources is the best approach with something like this.

Message: Loving Anal, But Boyfriend Wants To Try Ass To Mouth

Anonymous: I was never very open to anal but I recently started exploring and I’m very excited. I bought some plugs to play with until my boy can come fuck me but he’s asking about ass to mouth and having me rim him. I want to please him but I think I’m stuck on the idea that it’s risky and unclean. Thoughts?

Congratulations on your anal exploration! I hope you have a lot of fun with it.

Rimming is usually done externally only, so if you do it shortly after bathing and the recipient of the rimming cleans the area thoroughly (soaped up and well-scrubbed) there isn’t really anything unclean or dangerous about it. I think it’s only fair that you ask him to do it to you as well if you do it to him.

As for ass to mouth, many people only do that after having an enema to clean themselves out. The rectum is usually fairly clean when empty, however, and it may be perfectly fine to go ass to mouth without using an enema beforehand for some people. You’re unlikely to get sick from exposure to your own bacteria. It may be something you want to explore with a dildo or toy beforehand to see if you have any interest in it at all. If the idea doesn’t appeal to you at all after giving it a chance, don’t necessarily feel obligated to do it just because it’s something he wants.

Quote of the Day: Anal Is How I Want To Get Off Every Time

I’ve been doing anal for about six years, and I confess that while I enjoyed the taboo and deviant nature of it I absolutely did not receive much physical joy from doing it. It was somewhat painful,and I was always self conscious about it. Then I started dating a guy who was really into anal, and I was really into him. We ended in anal virtually every time. With experience, I learned to really relax and enjoy the journey. I also started to prep myself before hand which totally took my mine off the messiness. Now I’m dating a super great guy who is equally as into it, and I can honestly say that having anal is how I want to get off every time. No kidding. It must be the way I’m wired.


Message: Boyfriend Loves Anal, I Don’t

Anonymous: I have been with my boyfriend for a while now, and he loves anal and although on occasion we do it I never enjoy it, believe me I have tried using toys like dildos, bullet vibrators, tried preparing with plugs, almost everything can be done and its not that it hurts I just gain absolutely no pleasure from it. I feel bad because i know he loves it but it doesn’t do a thing for me I could never /ever/ stop having vaginal sex because I adore it..

I’m sorry to hear anal doesn’t do anything for you—everyone’s bodies are different and occasionally there are some people who just don’t get any pleasure from anal. Sometimes, however, it can still be possible to train your body to derive pleasure from something it doesn’t initially. It sounds like you’ve tried some of that, e.g. attempting to associate pleasure with anal by using a vibrator on your clit during anal penetration. Have you also tried orgasming while something is in your ass? Masturbating while a plug is in, or wearing a plug during vaginal sex can be a good way of associating good feelings with anal.

Another method that can sometimes work to develop anal pleasure and anal orgasms is to abstain from vaginal stimulation for a period of time and focus all your stimulation anally. It doesn’t have to be permanent if you don’t want it to be, and certainly should be at first anyway. You can try it for a few days at a time initially, then expand it to perhaps a week, with breaks in between. Some people have had to go several months with anal only before being able to orgasm from it, but others have had success sooner. The idea is that your body has become so used to vaginal stimulation—and it sounds like pleasure is comparatively easy for you to get vaginally—that it doesn’t recognize anal stimulation as pleasure yet.

I understand you may not wish to spend so much effort on something you get nothing out of, but I believe anal pleasure is accessible to nearly everyone—it’s just not always easy to obtain at first for some.