Month: October 2013

Addicted to Anal Sex

A man at says:

Anal sex has been something that has intrigued me ever since I was a kid (~10 years old). At that age, I would dream and fantasize about ass, caressing it / fondling it. Now, at the age of 21, I’m at the point where I am only sexually satisfied when anal sex is involved. Vaginal sex barely appeals to me.

Basically put:
The majority of woman that allow their partner into their backdoor only do so to please him. Whereas when I have vaginal sex, it’s only to please her – only anal satisfies my sexual desires.

Because of the expectations placed on people by the rest of society, feelings like his are assumed to be wrong and need to be fixed. Even the man quoted here is looking for help so he can “do something about it.”

What is needed instead is more understanding and appreciation of everyone’s differences – we are not all made the same – and less expectation that we must all conform to the current norm.

He simply needs to find the right partner to match his desires, and if this was explained to him and shown it is possible then his confidence and well-being would improve.

What we get is some terrible advice: that he needs therapy; he must have been sexually abused as a child; that not enjoying vaginal sex is weird.

Even his own title (which I have borrowed) implies that his natural desires are somehow unhealthy.

How do we overturn this outdated dogma?

Message: Anal Only For 13 Years

Anonymous: Hi all, great to see many people embracing the anal only lifestyle. My late wife greatly preferred anal. I actually haven’t performed vaginal sex since I lost her over 13 years ago (I’m 40 now). I am always totally upfront with any prospective partners, and respect there decision not to “stay and play” should they not want too.

Would you mind sharing more details on how you are up front? At what stage do you tell prospective partners? Just before you would have sex, or earlier?

Message: How to Train for Anal?

tman79What is a good way to train my ass to take a large and long cock?

With toys. Use butt plugs and dildos regularly, gradually increasing the size as you can comfortably do so. Avoid all pain—if it hurts, stop and rest and resume more slowly.

Extreme length can be tricky—there is a bend at the end of the rectum which has to be temporarily straightened if the object is particularly long. The best way is with a flexible dildo and to gradually press up against the bend and back off repeatedly until it gives way painlessly and opens up. Then pass the dildo back and forth through it for a while as it relaxes further.

Always warm up with a butt plug and/or dildo before attempting penetration with the real penis, and be sure to be able to comfortably fit a toy the size of the penis before trying it for the first time for real.

Message: Started With Anal Only For Years, Never Enjoyed Vaginal

lisanmot: Lisa 31 here, I was actually introduced to sex anally quite young (I won’t mention the age as it may offend). I didn’t have any form of vaginal penetration for years, when I finally did I found it uncomfortable. This actually got worse after the birth of my daughter 9 years ago so I stopped all together and have absolutely no regrets.

This isn’t uncommon, in my experience. If your introduction to sex is exclusively anal and you remain that way for an extended period of time, anal is what you’re always going to prefer.

Part of this may have to do with the bias of what you experienced first and maintaining a preference for that, but I don’t think that has as much to do with it as some may think. After all, plenty of women start with vaginal and come to prefer anal later, so initial experiences certainly aren’t everything.

I think it has more to do with the inherent superiority of anal sex and the fact that anal pleasure is far more intense. If that’s what you start with and get used to, vaginal penetration and stimulation are going to feel tame and boring in comparison, and there won’t be much motivation to try and overcome the discomfort and unpleasantness you can also experience from vaginal.

Adding pregnancy into the mix very commonly makes vaginal uncomfortable and unenjoyable, both during pregnancy and after. Vaginal dryness is very common post-pregnancy, as is scarring and other effects that make vaginal sex just not a pleasant experience. All the more reason to keep recreational and reproductive sexual activities separate and keep vaginal sex just for getting pregnant while otherwise doing anal only for pleasure and intimacy.

Thanks for sharing your experience. As more women start having sex with anal and discover the benefits of being anal only, I think we’re going to see far more choosing to remain vaginal virgins except to get pregnant and living an anal only life otherwise. It really is a superior way to be for everyone.

Quote of the Day: Loving Anal From the Start

I loved it right off the bat too. Neither me or my husband at the time had done it before, and by gosh was it worth it. I sure hope that bastard hasn’t ruined me and made me expect awesome anal from every future partner from here on in

From here.

Real Talk: Do Women Like It In The Butt?

The title is from an article at which interviews a number of women about their views and experience of anal sex. This was a follow up to a previous article where men gave their opinion on anal sex.

There is a mix of views: Some haven’t tried, some tried it but didn’t like it, whilst the remainder enjoy it. These break down into about equal thirds.

What is obvious from those that don’t try is often the women says “we don’t like it” as though speaking for the man. It is a mistake to make this assumption. They also have preconceived notions based on negative stories they have heard.

The other group was those that have tried, but found it painful, did not enjoy it, thought they were too small, or thought that too much preparation was required. It is likely that too little of the correct preparation was done, or that they gave up after one or two tries. Successful anal requires and deserves more than just one or two attempts – it will feel a little different, even slightly uncomfortable at first. But that will pass.

The most positive contribution was by ‘Orchid’:

Oh come on. Any woman who doesn’t have stupid hang-ups about sex or her body shouldn’t have an issue with anal. After you’ve done it a few times and have gotten used to it, you can have unbelievable orgasms. Like, body-shaking orgasms. Someone who has a problem with any kind of sex between two consenting adults has deeper issues. Don’t blame anal, blame stupid urban legends. In high school, a girl told me that if you have anal sex, “the membranes between your vagina and your anus can tear and you’ll start shitting out your vagina.” This is retarded. Sex is good for you. Sex is great. If you want to have anal sex with a partner who wants to have anal sex, it’s a beautiful thing.

Read more:

Quote of the Day: More Men Prefer Anal Than Admit It

I think more men like anal sex over vaginal than would admit to it. I for one, prefer anal because….hmmmm how do I explain without going into graphic detail? Lets just say IMO it feels better, I love the feeling of a cushy butt to pound, and I never wear a condom or have to worry about pregnancy when I do it

From here.

The Largest Misconceptions of Anal Intercourse has an article about anal intercourse, particularly for newcomers.

Much of the advice can be found at many other sites, but one of the most important sections is this:

Most people believe that anal intercourse hurts and that it is always an uncomfortable experience. This is quite simply false. As with any form of intercourse, the anus, like the vagina, must become used to the activity. Any woman who remembers her first time having sex probably recalls a painful experience. In fact, the first couple of times were probably painful and not that enjoyable. Did they stop having sex? In almost all cases, they didn’t. Anal intercourse falls under the same guidelines for both genders; it takes practice to get accustomed to the activity.

This needs to be repeated and understood and communicated to a wider audience, for the ‘hurt factor’ is often cited as a reason not to do anal.

As one man replies:

She didn’t think it was gonna be fun. Yea that was one time a long long time ago. Convinced her that I really like anal, had it a few times before, and that those girls loved it once they got over the fear.
She was really hesitant, but she knew I wanted it. We followed all the tips, especially pushing out when I started pushing in.
She loved it, in fact anal is now our go to. For us, vaginal is like the foreplay with anal being were we finish.
We like HQ Olive Oil as lube. Damn good stuff and coats it all real good.
She wishes now that she didn’t put up such a big fight then, but is so thankful that she tried it for me.

Will she tell me she wants anal?

A man is desperate to have anal sex with his wife:

Will women just come out and say what they want? My wife originally was anti-anal, wouldn’t even let me get close. As time has gone on, things have progressed and it was first playing around the outside of her anus, then pinky penetration, then tongue penetration, and now basically the entire finger.

He explains that she already has huge orgasms with this anal stimulation, and he would like to go to the next stage and wants her to want it too. However, he feels hesitant. Should he just go for it or ask her if she wants to take it in the ass, or wait to see if she asks.

I think by this stage, if a women (particularly a long term partner) is reacting so positively to that kind of anal play, she is likely ready to try anal intercourse. Remember she is probably feeling as awkward as he is. This is unfortunately the damage done by people talking about anal sex as if it were dirty or forbidden.

The positive replies from women are encouraging. This is one:

i was never into anal. i down-right refused (just because i was worried about the pain.) and then my bf cuddled up behind me while we were ‘petting’ and starting “nudging” against me, and we got into things and he asked me if i wanted it, and i said yes…. very simple.

You could ask her, bt as you said, you’re not sure how she would react to that. There’s no harm in talking about it, bt by the fact that you say she used to be very anti-anal, suggests the subject has come up before.

It’s lovely that you want it to be something she wants! So during whatever you’re doing in that area (using ur finger or tongue or whatever) ask her what she wants, ask her if she wants something “bigger”…