Message: Balancing Spontaneity With Preparation When Anal Only

Anonymous: Something else I wanted to ask, but not enough space: I hear all the time about the proper way to do anal is to prepare, and you can’t just dive in there else you hurt her, and obviously sometimes it can’t be done because she has something up there already. Given all that, how do you make it work with anal only, and also kind of spur of the moment sex?

The need to prepare and take things super slowly is more important when starting out. As a woman becomes more experienced with receiving anal penetration, whether it be from penises, fingers or toys, she gains more muscle control over the area (contrary to the ridiculous popular myth that anal sex results in loss of muscle tone) and can relax her sphincter muscles at will to allow easy entry. You still generally need some sort of lube, but with an anally experienced couple you can just drop a little bit on and slowly slide right in, pain-free. It’s good to always err on the cautious side, and you can use a finger or toy up her ass during cunnilingus to help loosen her up before switching to full anal. Lots of women love butt plugs, worn either during foreplay or during the day to stay horny and a bit looser, making impromptu anal more feasible.

Most people can tell if they need to go to the bathroom, and notice it even more as they explore that area sexually. It’s generally not a big deal to go to the bathroom shortly before having anal sex. If you have a good diet, it’s fairly clean inside the rectum unless you need to go to the bathroom right then.

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