Month: August 2013

Message: Anal Pain When Going Balls Deep

Anonymous: Trying to be “awesome”. In fact, already halfway there as we now have more frequent anal. But one thing is holding us back. You seem to be the anal guru so perhaps you can help. Naturally I like to go balls deep in my wife’s ass but she often reports pain, and it does feel tight round the head of my cock like a band. Why is that and what can I do to alleviate that? We do lots of prep and foreplay so I assumed she was relaxed, and entry is always okay. Anything we could try?

The rectum averages about 4.7 inches in length, from the anus to the bend into the sigmoid colon, but it can vary quite a bit from person to person. Someone with a shorter rectum will have more difficulty taking a longer penis to full depth. Pain when unexpectedly hitting the bend at the end of the rectum is not uncommon.

It is possible, however, to temporarily straighten that bend and be able to take objects significantly deeper. The best way to do this is with a relatively small (1″ diameter is often good), very flexible dildo, some lube, and patience. Work the dildo in as far is it will comfortably go, then gently push past that limit and back off. Keep doing this, slowly increasing the depth, and you should eventually be able to move past the bend and into the sigmoid colon with little discomfort, but it will likely still not be straightened out much. Move the dildo partway out until it’s only inside the rectum again, then push it past the bend again, and repeat for a while until it moves past easily. Now try it with your penis. This straightening does not last long, so it’s something you’d need to do as a regular part of your warmup session, but some people come to like the sensations of deep anal play on their own, so it may be an enjoyable process. You may also just try doing this with your penis instead of a dildo, and going very slowly in an attempt to loosen and straighten the bend so you can comfortably fit balls deep.

Note that while the rectum is generally free of any feces except immediately before going to the bathroom, there is a higher chance of encountering feces as soon as you enter the sigmoid colon. That bend, in part, serves as a sort of valve to keep them from entering the rectum until it’s time. It’s not necessarily a major issue, but be forewarned of the possibility of encountering something unwanted.

Finally, a simpler possibility: try a different position. The rectum changes length somewhat in different positions, and you can often get the deepest penetration with her on top.

Ladies can you cum from anal sex alone?

That is the question asked here [archive link], and also:

Do you like it slow and easy or work up to a fast ass pounding?

This is one of the biggest surprises for women, that the anus is sensitive sexually and is able to bring them to orgasm when stimulated sufficiently. This is due to the large number of nerve endings, more in fact than the vagina itself possesses.

Take a look at what one doctor says about it [archive link]:

First, keep in mind that there are many ways to reach orgasm, due to the fact that different nerves and body parts (besides the clitoris and the vagina) are involved. For example, the same nerve (the pelvic nerve) that supplies the vagina, cervix and urinary bladder also innervates the rectum, which is the final part of the large intestine that ends in the anus.

What does that mean? Just that anal sex can be highly pleasurable, and that it’s not surprising that you achieve orgasm in this way.

But that’s not all. There’s also the hypogastric nerve, which also innervates the cervix; the vagus nerve, which supplies the uterus and the cervix; and the pudendal nerve, which supplies the clitoris. Talk about many ways to heaven! And by the way, the pudendal nerve also supplies some of the muscles surrounding the vagina and anus, which is why contracting those (squeezing your butt cheeks) before or during orgasm can help intensify it.

Some women will like slow and easy, some a fast pounding, while others prefer a mixture of the two.

What is essential is that the women be relaxed and used to being anally penetrated by her partner.

It is no wonder that once they start to experience orgasms through anal sex that more women start to consider anal only as a real possibility, when vaginal is so unreliable.

Message: Vaginal Boring After Trying Anal

Anonymous: Dan here. You replied to my question a day or to back. Well, you could be right about it being novelty, but right now vaginal sex seems boring to me. I found it such a contrast when I had to go back. It’s funny to think how quickly I’ve fallen in love with one way and fallen out with the other. At least my girlfriend seems willing to continue for now since she initially thought we should do it so I could see what it was like for myself. Didn’t expect it to have such an impact. Thanks again.

I honestly don’t think it’s that uncommon to become bored and uninterested with vaginal sex after experiencing anal. Many people of both genders may refuse to admit it out of a fear they will upset their partner by expressing their newfound preferences, but in reality it seems that once most people try anal, a large number of them want to have it more than vaginal from then on.

My husband wants anal what do i do ?

The wife initially admits she was all for it, but then has a change of heart as she worries it may mean he is gay.

This is often a worry brought up by people, but merely indicates that people react in a knee-jerk fashion, as all logic goes out the window.

Just as well that help is on hand for the wife with this sound advice:

it does not mean he is gay at all. Anal sex is another way for caring and trusting people to share a really close intimacy. My wife was not too excited at first… but we started slowly with light touching and some smaller objects. My wife enjoys receiving analingus and that brought out reactions from her body and mind that she could not hide… no one should force anything on you- but sex should be open and intimate… the sensations in that area are very intense… if you wire your mind that it is disgusting… then it will be highly disgusting to you… if you allow those feelings to be erotic you will find it a highly erotic experience.

Straight couples have been having anal sex since forever… gay men perform oral sex on each other, does that make a man gay if he hopes his wife will give him a BJ?

Just take things slow, let them be fun, and a little naughty.. and if you don’t like, then let your husband know that it is out of bounds. My wife was not sure, but let me tell you, she found out pretty quick that she liked it.

Read further here.

Message: The Effects of Anal Porn on People’s Opinions of Anal Sex

Anonymous: I think it was you that pointed out that many porn stars were now doing anal exclusively on camera – I see vaginal become almost a niche thing in the future. What do you think explains the rise in the popularity of anal and do you think this is going to lead to more anal only couples?

I think the increase in the popularity of anal is multiple things playing off each other.

Easy access to porn online allows porn producers to quantify what sort of scenes people watch, and as they notice an interest in anal porn, they produce more of it. People can also interact directly with the producers, and as such some porn companies have begun producing exclusively anal porn.

At the same time, anal, which has been taboo but of interest for a long time, is gaining popularity in personal sexual practice in part because it gets featured more in porn, and there are so many porn scenes with no vaginal penetration at all, leading women who have an interest in it but in the past may have thought it was too taboo to consider to realize that it’s become more mainstream and isn’t a big deal to want it.

I agree that it’s going to shift more and more towards anal being the primary form of sex in porn, with vaginal porn more of a niche that a smaller group of people seeks out, and this in turn is going to cause a shift in personal sexual practices over the long term as well. Porn will go there first, both because it’s a new and interesting way for them to continue producing more content that people want to see, and because anal sex is far more visually appealing than vaginal, and so is better suited for the camera.

Husband wants anal

A woman says:

I’m very open to new things…, but the butthole. My husband however is a butt person. He loves Anal, and would love to have it with me. I however don’t do it, don’t want to do it, don’t want anything in my butt. It’s not like it’s a deal breaker for him, I mean we are married, he knew what he was getting into. But he still brings it up, and still wants to get me to try it.
Should I just go for it, is it really that bad. I know I have all right to say no, however I love making him happy. It just seems dirty to me. Should I go for it or stand my ground?

She has never had anal sex yet she ‘knows’ she doesn’t want it. Does this make any sense? There was a time when she had never had vaginal or oral sex; did she ‘know’ she didn’t want to do those things either?

Despite much of the usual negative comments in the discussion she eventually comes around:

he was in a year long relationship with a girl that absolutely loved it and got him into it. And there nothing wrong with vaginal, I just want to be open to making him happy. He has had to change up some things for me, and I’d like to give him the same

Many women start out with the expectation that they won’t enjoy anal founded on hearsay. And many come to love it.

People owe it to themselves and their partner to try anal sex with an open mind and see for themselves.

Message: Anal Better Than Expected For Both of Us

Anonymous: After YEARS of dreaming I finally got to have anal sex with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. We’ve done it again a few times since and its always been amazing. She says it not anything like she was told. For me its been even better than I dreamed so now I know just what made you make this blog. I never thought anything could be better than her vagina, but there it is. Its like a eureka moment. Is this just because its new or is the normal first reaction? Thanks, Dan.

Ultimately, time will tell. It’s not uncommon for new things to become your favorite for a while, but it’s also not uncommon for anal to become someone’s preferred form of sex for life. A lot of people who end up loving anal have that sudden realization of how wonderful it is after their first few times of trying it, though.

Frequent anal sex

A man and his girlfriend, both 25, enjoy having anal sex but worry about having too much:

My girlfriend really enjoys anal sex. She’s able to orgasm from it alone (no other stimulation) and we both feel it adds something exciting to our sex life. However, she’s concerned about having anal sex often for fear of any tearing problems, incontinence, etc., that might happen as a result of frequent anal sex (my definition of frequent is once or twice a week).

It is unfortunate that the answers he gets are from neither the medically informed or experienced with anal sex. Ignorant people who have heard or read other ignorant people on the subject just parrot the same lines about future incontinence. The fact of the matter is all this anecdotal ‘evidence’ is worthless since there has not a single reputable medical journal or paper has ever been published which confirms that frequent anal intercourse is harmful.

If you are lucky enough to be like the above couple, then enjoy what you have and continue to have anal sex as often as you like.