Month: July 2013

Message: Time to Ask Her to Always Skip Her Pussy?

Anonymous: I have a question for you – 9 times out of 10 when we have sex (mostly her on top) after a bit my girlfriend reaches back and puts me in her ass to finish. She’s pre-lubing her ass and I’m really liking this – would it be the right move to say to her we can always skip the pussy? Is that what she wants? I can’t tell. I know I’d be happy if that’s what she wanted but it feels really awkward asking…

Why not take things slow and just suggest the possibility of a several day period (a weekend you spend together?) where you have anal only? Say you’ve noticed she seems to enjoy you finishing in her ass and ask if she’d like to experiment with more anal and have a sexy/naughty weekend where you just have anal (and oral) sex. Don’t jump right into wanting to go fully anal only unless she also brings up that desire on her own, but if she agrees to try it and enjoys it, make it into something you do regularly, or expand it where once a month you have an anal only week. If she’s up for doing something like that, you can see where it goes from there and talk to her about whether she prefers anal over vaginal and if she’d like to give up vaginal entirely and just have anal.

Is my vagina suddenly not good enough for him?

In answer to the question in the title (original article here), it is not a simple case of the vagina not being good enough.

For many men anal sex is how they express their love and attraction to a women, and should be taken as a compliment, not as something to be concerned about. For such men it is natural to follow their instincts which make them appreciate the beauty of the female derrière.

It is important that men make it clear to their partners, how much closer they feel to them, and how deep the passion, when they make love anally rather than vaginally.

It is not uncommon for women, once they see that there need be no stigma and that her value as a women does not revolve wholly around her vagina, to take pride in fact that her anus is capable of providing such pleasure.

A shift in attitudes, though it sometimes takes time, is almost inevitable  As this young woman put it:

You have to try it once, ladies. I was so anti-anal sex, but I love my BF for taking it slow. Now I want it all the time.

Now, when he introduces the idea of an anal only lifestyle, she’ll not only be receptive to it, she’ll welcome it.

How to make her want anal sex

The road to an anal only lifestyle can be a long one, requiring patience, sensitivity and understanding. Of course, the rewards are great when a couple finally get to leave vaginal penetration a thing of the past, out of their sex life and concentrate solely on the anus. But to get to this point many women need a little help, so that she correctly associates anal stimulation with pleasure, love, and sex.

As this articles says:

Many women are curious about anal sex, but are scared about comfort and safety issues. Some women who are unwilling to try anal sex with their current partner may have had a bad experience with an impatient or ignorant lover in the past.

Once anal sex becomes a normal part of her sex life, then the frequency may be gradually increased. Hopefully, as her passion for it increases it may even supplant vaginal sex as the primary form of lovemaking, for as the article goes on to say:

anal sex can be one of the most erotic and satisfying sexual practices a woman can enjoy. It’s a different, tighter sensation than vaginal sex, and, if the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you’re inside her, it can take her to another sexual realm.

Quote of the Day: Causes of Anal Pleasure

There are a lot of nerve ends in the anus, more than in the vagina, especially in women, there’s also the thin wall between the anus and the vagina that allows for vaginal simulation as well, and even the G-spot if done correctly, anal sex is one of the most enjoyable things a woman can experience, there are also some women who prefer anal to vaginal.

This, once more, from: Do women like to have anal sex?

Do all men prefer anal sex and why?

At a woman asks:

Do all men prefer anal sex and why? I do it to quench my husband’s curiosity that drove him to an affair.

Sadly, because his desire could not be satisfied within the marriage, the husband ended up cheating on his wife. Now that the affair has ended she is experimenting with anal sex herself, but is confused; she does not care for it but naturally wonders what it is about anal sex that made him go elsewhere.

Of course the husband was wrong, but if he has preferences then his frustration was understandable.

There are many responses to her query, but for me one of the best is this:

Not all men prefer it, but I count myself among those who do. As for why, because, to me it feels better than vaginal.

Sex should be a pleasurable thing to everyone involved, if it is not there is a problem.

For you the core of the problem is not so much that you dont like anal sex, or even that he is looking elsewhere to satisfy this desire of his, it is that you and your husbands sex interests do not match up. That is a truly sad thing, and if you two are in love with each other it is even more sad.

He no more wants to feel guilty about his love of anal sex than you want to feel the pain that he is having the affair. I’m assuming you both love each other deeply, why else would you get married?

Anyhow, if anal sex is just not your thing and mainly does nothing for you but isn’t hurting you either, relax, pay attention to how much he likes being in your rear, maybe just maybe focusing on that will make the experience something nice for you too.

Message: Anal More Suitable to Rough Sex?

Anonymous: Hi there, I hear that because of the shape of the anal passage, it means it can take rougher sex than through the vagina. Is this true? Is this why, in porn, it seems that the anal sex scenes are harder and faster than vaginal ones? I thought anal sex would naturally be more painful, and sex would have to be more gentle. But it seems I have it the wrong way round?

Many women find it incredibly painful for a penis to hit their cervix during sex, so it may be difficult for them to handle rough vaginal sex especially with penises on the longer end of the spectrum.

There is a bend at the end of the rectum which can also be painful when hit, but it’s usually deeper and so it is possible some women could handle being fucked harder anally than vaginally. (But they need to be well acquainted with the practice of relaxing their anus before doing so, generally.)

Quote of the Day: “Anal is my New Thing”

about six months ago, for some reason she was in the mood and told me to get the lube, and she had an amazing, body-shaking orgasm with me buried in her ass. The next night she wanted it again. Then again two days later. “Anal is my new thing,” she said, and I think in some ways now she almost prefers anal to vaginal sex. As a confirmed ass man, I think this is great!

From: Too Much Anal Sex?

Why am I so orgasmic during anal sex but not other forms of sex?

A normal, healthy 30 year old woman wants to know why she can’t have an orgasm except through anal sex.

She says:

The problem is that I can’t have an orgasm with penetration alone and he or I can stimulate my clitoris until the cows come home and nothing happens or it takes a very very long time. He has a hard time coming if I haven’t come yet. Until anal sex! I’ve had it in past relationships and it was okay, but now when we have anal sex it takes me about 10 seconds to orgasm and I can have multiples. Why is this? I know he prefers vaginal sex but will have anal because it’s so reliable but can get a tad messy. I’ve read a lot to try to have easier orgasms, but anal seems to be what my body wants.

The answer should be reassuring:

You are not the only woman who prefers or is only able to experience orgasm as a result anal stimulation.

Most of the time people need only listen to what their body tells them; their instincts are rarely wrong. This women just needed someone to tell her this is normal, to be given the green light to continue to enjoy anal sex with her lover without any worry on her mind.

Of course we don’t have the full picture, but it is likely that either she assumes he prefers vaginal (because that’s what men are supposed to like) or that he is saying so as a way of supporting her since he sees she is full of doubt and feelings of guilt. He may even be confused as to how he really feels, for it is rare that a man does not take great pleasure making love to his woman in this way.

Let us hope they have agreed on the best possible solution for them, which is probably an anal only lifestyle.

Message: Women Only Tolerating Anal

Anonymous: Your posts suggest the way to go if you want this kind of lifestyle is to slowly introduce anal sex until it becomes more frequent than vaginal. Sounds great but I’ve found most women just tolerate anal and find it uncomfortable except for special occasions. Are you saying it becomes easier for them, or more enjoyable, or both? I ask because while I love giving it, but it can be disappointing when they just aren’t as in to it as I am.

Everyone’s different, and some women hate anal, some tolerate it, some like it occasionally, some love it equally, and some prefer it. Unfortunately, due to lingering social stigma, many refuse to even try it to see if they like it, and others tried it once when younger but had it ruined for them by someone who didn’t know what he was doing and caused her to associate it with pain.

Anal is often strange feeling at first, and for some it can take time to associate the sensations with pleasure (for others the pleasure can be immediate—everyone’s wired differently). That’s one reason that for women not intensely into anal, anal play alongside vaginal can be a good way of increasing the association with pleasure. Analingus during oral sessions and external rubbing with your fingers during vaginal penetration may slowly attract a woman to increased exploration of anal pleasure.