Month: July 2013

Message: Butt Plug Questions

Anonymous: What do you think about butt-plugs? I’ve been thinking about getting one for my wife, but what size is recommended? And should they be left in just for a while before anal sex or left in most of the day for best results? Will it make much difference if thinking about getting her to make anal sex what we do most of the time? Thanks in advance for your help.

Butt plugs are amazing. She should probably be at least slightly familiar with anal play before using one—a finger or two up the butt during oral sex, and the like. If she can already take two or three fingers (or a penis) fairly comfortably, you should get about a 1.5″ diameter plug like the Tantus Ryder. There are smaller ones as well, but they don’t stay in very well, so I like 1.5″ as a minimum size. Always go for silicone, glass or steel—the other materials aren’t body safe and smell awful, even though they’re usually a bit cheaper.

You can do all sorts of fun things with butt plugs. She can wear it during oral and vaginal sex, or in preparation for anal sex. Wearing it around the house or out in public is a lot of fun as well if you enjoy the sensation of being filled anally and feel like being naughty wearing one in public.

Message: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Go Anal Only

Anonymous: My girlfriend and I have been together for five years. Anal has always been an important part of our relationship. However, when I recently told her I want anal only, she was very upset and insists we keep doing vaginal as well. I suggested we use toys for her vaginal needs, but she still wont consider it. I love my gf but her close-mindedness is jeopardizing our relationship. Any suggestions for overcoming her fear and ignorance about anal only?

All involved parties need to desire an anal only relationship in order for it to work. All I can suggest is to focus on making sure it’s especially pleasurable for her when you have anal. Rub her clit during anal, and use fingers or a toy up her ass while you (frequently) eat her out.

Try asking if she’ll do shorter stretches of anal only, over a weekend, or for a week. Or, this next month (August), which is National Anal Sex Month, ask if she’ll try having nothing but anal with you for the duration in celebration of that month.

Anal Sex Techniques

Once you and your partner have become comfortable with regular anal sex there are some different techniques you may want to try.

Some of these may even be beneficial if you are considering going anal only and wish to enhance your lovemaking.

The article includes this useful tip:

Don’t always use the bedroom. With practice and repetition, you may find you don’t need to go through as much preparation for anal sex. Some women, with a fair amount of experience, find they only need to apply some lubrication to their partner’s penis and they are ready. Keep small packets of lubricant on you at all times since you never know when your partner may want to “bend you over.”

For it really is a myth that anal sex requires that much more preparation time or is in any way more difficult to perform. The rectum is generally clear and clean, and even without ‘proper’ lube even saliva is sufficient for a woman to admit her lovers penis should the situation demand it. You really can have anal sex any time, anywhere, just as you would have done vaginally.

Asking the Anal Only Question

Another day, another woman questioning her own preference for anal sex.

Lately I have been more sexually turned on anally then having it vaginally. In fact I rather anal then the norm. Am I weird for feeling this way? Not that my fiancé is complaining…in fact he has been happy that I have been requesting it.

For other women reading this whose boyfriend/husband has anal sex without complaint when you request it:

Talk to him, as it is very likely that he would much rather just have only anal sex with you and cease having vaginal sex entirely but he is too nervous to suggest it.

Usually it is the case that the woman is so preoccupied with questioning her own preference that she doesn’t see clearly how this is also his preference too.

Many men would be delighted to hear their partner make the suggestion to go anal only, so go ahead and ask.

Does size matter?

Of concern to many women is the issue of if their partner will be too big for them. Men also will be apprehensive about hurting their partner of they are larger than average, and so many couples will avoid anal sex unnecessarily.

This article explores ‘How to have sex with a big penis’.

The author describes how the above can be accomplished and finishes on this note:

If the man exercises patience and control, most women will be able to accommodate any size penis using the above techniques. The incredible sensations of fullness for a woman and tightness for the man make anal sex with a big penis worth the extra time and effort.

It should be added that size is no obstacle for those interested in the anal only lifestyle, so do not feel that excluded if this is something that you wish to do.

Message: Safe To Be Anal Only Without Protection?

Anonymous: my boyfriend is pushing me to have sex with him, i want to, but i don’t want to worry about pregnancy or std. so… how safe is to have just anal/oral without protection? we are both virgins. thanks

If you’re both monogamous and clean, you can safely have oral sex. There is a very slight risk of pregnancy with anal—semen can leak out after and enter the vagina—but it’s pretty negligible if you’re careful, and plenty of people do it without issue. Anal sex has been used for millennia as a natural form of birth control, and there are many people still doing so—even women who were on the pill before and had been having vaginal sex but found it messed up their hormones too much and switched to just having anal sex instead with no pill. The actual act of anal sex cannot lead to pregnancy, it’s only the possibility of leakage afterwards.

I will say that you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do even if you’re being pushed to do it. If you do want to do it, great, but if not than your boyfriend needs to respect that.

The Man’s Guide to Anal Only

Many of the submissions to this blog are about about helping women make sense of their feelings about anal sex, and reassuring them that it can be positive and safe activity to enjoy with their husband or boyfriend.

But it is not only women who may need a little advice or boost to their confidence. The sad reality is that anal sex, even today, suffers from an undeserved negative image. And intolerant people will try to project their own bad feelings about it on to the rest of society. As such, there is often a lack of accurate information available.

We’ve seen many comments, here and elsewhere from men who question if they are normal. Men who have a preference for the anus over the vagina share this with countless other men around the world, and throughout history. For some it is the beauty of the anus over the vulva; for others the enhanced stimulation it offers. These are perfect normal and natural reactions, all part of human sexuality. So, despite what you may hear to the contrary, there is nothing to feel bad about. Also, the anus and rectum of a woman is perfectly formed and adapted to receive and stimulate the penis. In a number of respects it does this better than the vagina and undoubtedly provides more intense orgasms for the male.

Having decided on trying anal sex, it is usually much easier for the man, as he derives pleasure from it straight away. Not so for most women, as they are rarely so in tune with this part of their anatomy. And although they have been gifted with this wonderful alternative for sex with their partner, it can take time to get used to how different it feels. Initially she will find that she lacks the proper control of the sphincter muscles, which, once they adjust, grip a penis superbly while also allowing it to move freely. Usually any minor discomfort will ease over a few sessions.

Unfortunately, it is often at these early stages that a woman is more sensitive to an over enthusiastic partner, which can adversely affect her perception of anal love. But if you proceed with care, concentrating on her pleasure, you’ll find that in time her anus will be able to dilate to accept a penis just as readily as her vagina can. Don’t worry you haven’t caused any long-term harm – just like any other muscles in the body it simply benefits from regular use. In fact, her anus will be in better shape than ever which has positive health implications.

Soon you’ll both be aware of the heightened intimacy that anal sex brings to the relationship, which in turn relaxes you and makes you both more inclined to include it more often in your lovemaking.

As a man, it is understandable that once you begin to enjoy anal sex on a regular basis, you’ll find you prefer it and will begin to think about going anal only. This is something that only works in a long-term relationship were you both understand and are compatible with one another, and even then cannot be rushed. Certainly do not put the proposal to her directly as you may panic her or place her under to much pressure. Going anal only requires a gradual transition, over a long period so that it happens in an unforced way.

She may notice you loose interest in her vagina and loose confidence in herself – your job is to reassure her that she is loved and attractive. If you can convince her how special this is; how even more turned you are; how close you feel; then she will begin to feel good about herself.

Above all, make sure that she orgasms often during anal sex. This will probably require some stimulation of her clitoris, so you should choose positions where it is accessible to you or her. If she has an orgasm during anal sex it is guaranteed to be much stronger than any other she will have previously experienced. This is also in the interests of the man as he will feel the rhythmic contractions and pulsations of the anal canal and rectum as she climaxes.

As you slowly reduce the amount of vaginal sex, if everything is done right, she’ll not notice that she’s missing anything. Hopefully, the day will come when you can’t even remember when you last had vaginal sex.

Good luck!